Steven Seagal Will Not Be Your Hero Lawman Sheriff Governor, Arizona


Shhh. I’m speaking from deep down inside my underground Arizona bunker where I’m hiding in case Steven Seagal makes good on his threat to run for governor or drive female chain-gang banger Shurf Joe Arpaio’s tank into my front door and kill my puppy and rooster.

The media was all aflutter yesterday with pants-on-fire headlines about Steven Seagal “mulling” a run for Arizona governor. Except it was all a fat lie: all he said was that he had talked with Shurf Joe, America’s Most Expensive Sheriff, about running for office and it was “kind of a joke” and “I suppose I would remotely consider it but probably would have, uh, a lot more other responsibil-hi-hizz, um, other responsibilities that may be more important to address.”



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