Stocks Soar On News of Whatever


The golden dildo.Somebody give Jim Cramer his golden dildo back, and let Larry Kramer out of the shit-cage where he sleeps, because the Stock Markets had a great big rally! Everything is good again! The U.S. markets were all up up up about 7% all the way around, which means the Dow is right back to, uhm, mid-February levels. Yes We Can.

This is all because of of whatever Tim "Turbo Tax" Geithner announced today (which your Jim Newell will explain, shortly, because he worked at Treasury as a child), and house sales are up a bit, on all those repos and short sales, even though actual inventory of existing homes is bigger, and prices are down 15% nationally over February of last year (and a HELLUVA LOT lower in places like California and the Entire Southwest and Florida), and millions more mortgages will default this year and next due to resets, the expiration of anti-foreclosure-law delays, and the hundreds of thousands of new jobless people every month, forever.

At least everybody can buy all the rotten packets of doomed mortgages for a nickel on the dollar! That'll feel real nice when those things end up being ultimately worth, say, two cents on the dollar.

Oh and the Fear Index is still incredibly high, so expect another market burnout tomorrow.

Uncertainty persists, even as stocks pull higher; CBOE Volatility Index signals investors remain wary [MarketWatch]


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