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Stop Hitting Yourself, And Other Advice For Benghazi-Obsessed Wingnuts

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Usually when we at Wonkette tell the opposition to go do something, it is a thing you would not advise your mother to do, on Mother’s Day Eve or any other Eve, unless you wanted to hurt her feelings because she was a bad mother, or because you’re a dick. This is not one of those times; this is real advice and it is really meant to help.


The advice is: If you are using Benghazi as a political cudgel, stop. Just raise the “Mission Accomplished II: BENGA!ZI!!1=!” banner, declare total victory, tell us that with your leadership, we will work to reform embassy security so nothing bad happens ever again, and go home.

This is advice for anyone who wants to see Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton and all Democrats fail. If you aren’t one of those people; if you’re just really fucking angry that some worthless shitheads killed four people who were far away from home and working hard to help them and their country, join the club. If you want the government to do as much as it can to protect its people serving overseas, join the club. But if you’re outraged about Benghazi because it shows Obama is a bad president, or that Hillary Clinton, a known woman, was AWOL as Secretary of State, or that either of them (or anyone else) did seriously bad Benghazi things (that are as-yet unnamed or vaguely/conditionally asserted), things that make them culpable either for what happened or for obstructing any subsequent effort to fix what went wrong, you’re arguing without evidence, you’re convincing nobody, and you’re undermining your own credibility. To recap: Continually pushing this argument is to your detriment.

Maybe you could try explaining it to yourself in a mirror, and really listen to yourself: “These terrorists got in, but they didn’t say they were terrorists until AFTER, and they said it was because of a video but it turns out it wasn’t, and someone said Obama had a drone in the air that could EASILY have taken out the insurgents, but he watched them die, and someone said SOMEONE called off the reinforcements, and why was the guard there so light? There had been memos about the security. MEMOS!”

Four people died horribly. Four State Department officials were fired. We can’t say for sure but we’d bet security at all potentially vulnerable embassies has been REVIEWED… thoroughly. One last time: This is a losing argument. It is either in the process of losing or it has lost; we can't be sure, we are not political experts.

And why, you may ask, is your Wonkette giving aid and comfort to its “enemies” by offering them real advice that is actually intended to help them? Because come fucking on, Benghazi still, really? Enough of this shit. Isn’t there some kind of tax thing you're mad about now?

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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