​Straight Pride Dipsh*ts Receive Glitter In Mail, Call The Cops

And now, for a story about crime in America, and the very tough guys who are sometimes nonetheless victimized. You have heard about this "Straight Pride" celebration happening in Boston, maybe, but not because Wonkette told you about it. Some things are too stupid to cover. But that was then and this is now, because somebody mailed some glitter and some Bible verses to the founders of the very normal and well-adjusted group throwing Straight Pride -- which will be very bigly attended, we are certain! -- and, um, well, they called the cops.

Three members of "Super Happy Fun America," the group behind the march, received envelopes without return addresses in the mail that were filled a "granular" substance.

Granular, terrifying glitter.

You might want to know what the suspicious packages looked like. They said "Happy Pride!" and they were signed in rainbow colors. You know, as actual bombs so often are.

But look, you guys, stop making fun of the, ahem, organizers of the Straight Pride parade, whose "mascot" and grand marshal is scheduled to be the very gay Milo idiot dude, the "alt-right" nerd who runs around telling everybody how much he adores black man penises. ("He's outrageous! What an outrageous boy!") They didn't open up the envelopes, so they didn't know about the glitter, or the Bible verses. They found that out later. (And don't worry, it wasn't even weird fucked up Bible verses you wouldn't read to your own children. It was nice ones like Psalm 86:15: "But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness...")

Still, they are upset, very upset about the violence.

Samson Racioppi, Super Happy Fun America's interim treasurer, told TPM his letter led to a "big scene" after he called 911. [...]

Racioppi lamented the "violence" they received at the hands of the anonymous glitter-sender.

"I wouldn't wish this for anyone," he said.

Because glitter is so hard to get our of your hair and your carpet and literally everywhere else? That must be the issue.

As Talking Points Memo notes, this group literally thinks that straight people are an "oppressed majority," we guess because they only get 11 months of the year dedicated to them now that gays have conquered June. The group's president explained the upcoming August 31 "parade" that is definitely going to be awesome to NBC Boston:

"We're a sexual orientation just like many others," he said last week. "We don't hate anyone. We just want to have our own celebration just like everybody else has a right to. All people from all communities are welcome, so long as they show mutual respect."

Unfortunately "all people from all communities" looked at their calendars and noted they were busy that day -- it's LABOR DAY WEEKEND, YOU DUMB FUCK HOLES -- or decided to lie and say they were, if asked.

Lament not for them, though, because a few be-glittered envelopes won't keep them down, and they vow to rebuild:

"If anything, it will make us more determined," [Samson Racioppi] told NBC10.


[Talking Points Memo / NBC Boston]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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