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A new obviously fake study published in some bogus "medical" "journal" called the Journal of the American Medical Association or whatever claims that vaccinating girls against the human papillomavirus so they do not get cervical cancer and die from it will not cause them to immediately rush out and do a bunch of unsafe sex and turn into sluts.


This is, of course, UNPOSSIBLE!, since everyone knows that vaccines are bad for you, and protecting girls from sexually transmitted diseases is the world's greatest aphrodisiac. That's just science.

Except that it's not:

The researchers looked at the medical history between 2005 and 2010 of 21,000 girls between the ages of 12 to 18, who had been given the vaccine, and compared them with 180,000 women who did not have the vaccine. The study found that the vaccinated women did not have higher rates of sexually transmitted infections, suggest[ing] they did not have increased rates of unsafe sex.

And yet for some strange reason, even though the HPV vaccine is perfectly safe and a very good way of protecting your daughter from getting a virus that can turn into cancer, only 57 percent of teenage girls have been vaccinated with even one of the three recommended doses. That is so weird. Why would parents not want to vaccinate their daughters so they do not get this easily preventable virus that could turn into cancer?

Dr. Anupam Jena, lead author of the study and a physician at Massachusetts General Hospital, said one likely cause for the low use of vaccine is that many parents and physicians are apprehensive about the possibility that the vaccine could lead to an increase in unsafe sex among teens and young adults.

Any parent who thinks risking cancer is preferable to their daughter doing some sex clearly deserves a Parent of The Century award -- you can cure cancer sometimes, but loss of virginity is FOREVER, right? Good thing Dr. Jena did a study on that to find out it's probably not even true. So parents can feel free to take their daughters to the doctor now and say, "Doctor, please give my daughter all those vaccinations so she does not end up with cancer, please. Thanks." Like they do in other civilized countries where, according to Dr. Jena, 80 to 90 percent of eligible teens are vaccinated because DUH.

But no, we are America, damnit, where we have the right to disagree with science if we believe it's all a bunch of hooey anyway. So in addition to idiot anti-vaxxer parents thinking that measles sure seems like fun, we also have idiot anti-vaxxer parents who think the HPV vaccine will make their daughters sluts and/or cause them, overnight, to "suffer from mental retardation."

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Oh yeah, that was now-retired Rep. Michele Bachmann, back in 2011 when she was trying to be the president of the United States. Poor Michele Bachmann couldn't think up a better attack on fellow idiot candidate Gov. Rick Perry than criticizing him for the one intelligent thing he ever did in his life -- which, naturally, he later regretted -- by making HPV vaccination mandatory in Texas. Don't worry: He made up for that by also making it easier for parents to opt out of vaccinating their kids, for basically any dumb reason, a cool trend that has spread across the country to help bring back formerly eradicated diseases, because polio is just so chic and retro.

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Anyway, despite warnings from Bachmann and other "not a scientist" types, you can feel free to protect your daughter from ladyparts cancer without worrying that it will simultaneously destroy her brain and her virginity. Or you can just opt out and take your chances, because if measles are marvelous, cervical cancer is probably a real hoot too.

[ABC News]

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Surprise, everybody! As we suspected, the Trump administration knew about the horrifying family domestic abuse stories in Patrick Shanahan's history, and they were trying to push through his Defense Secretary nomination anyway. We didn't assume they knew because the Trump administration is so very good at vetting people -- it clearly isn't. But, considering the enormity of the story, the question that kept bothering us yesterday when the Shanahan news broke was HOW IN THE HELL DID THEY THINK THIS WOULD STAY SECRET?

CBS News reports:

President Trump said as he departed for Florida Tuesday that he had only learned of Shanahan's family issues for the first time "yesterday."

But that is apparently a lie, or at least we should assume it's a lie, because we should always assume Trump is lying about each and every thing he says, in general. Anyway, whether El Dipshit was personally told, Trump admin people say ayup, they knew all about it:

One senior administration official told CBS News the White House was aware of the incident involving Shanahan's son, but didn't know about the 2010 confrontation. Another official said the White House knew about the 2011 incident dating back to when Bill Shine was White House communications director.

In case you need a quick refresher, the "2010 confrontation" is alleged domestic violence between Shanahan and his ex-wife, whose name is now Kimberley Jordinson, which was detailed in their divorce papers. (The ex-wife was arrested, not Shanahan.) The "2011 incident" is the one where Shanahan's 17-year-old son beat the shit out of his mom -- that same ex-wife -- with a baseball bat and left her in a pool of her own blood, and Daddy appears to have gone to great lengths to cover it up.

As CBS reports, some senators have been very curious as to why they were never informed of this way back in 2017, when Shanahan was nominated to be the deputy secretary of Defense. (He was confirmed.) Did the White House know then? Did Shanahan conceal it from everybody? Is that where the White House vetting process -- which is, again, just awesome, obviously -- went all wrong?

Or does the Trump administration just not think the nominee getting mutually fisticuffy with his wife, and trying to mount a coverup for his son when that son bludgeoned that wife with a baseball bat, is so bad, especially when you are trying to staff your administration with The Best People?

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

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