Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn't Shoot Them First
Stupidest Man On the Internet Jim Hoft has perpetrated more blogging about the Sandy Hook massacre. As usual, he also performs multiple acts of vandalism on facts and logic. Today's flaming bag of dogshit on the internet's porch contains one (1) factual error and one (1) wholly specious conclusion. We shall resist the urge to stomp on it, but will rather douse it with the Water Of Fact-Checking and then carefully remove it with the Tongs of Sweet Reason.
Let's start with the small stuff, which we'll admit is maybe a bit nit-picky, but bear with us. Hoft notes that Connecticut officials released "new information" about Adam Lanza's shooting spree today, and says that part of the new information was that
Hoft (Jeeezes, where's our proofreader?), Lanza killed twenty children, six adults, and himself within just five minutes. Actually, that information is roughly two weeks old, and was covered by the Hartford Courant on March 13. Today's new information is actually the release of an inventory of what police found in the Lanza home, based on search warrants.
Jimmy Hofta says this "confirms" that "Only an armed employee at the school could have prevented this tragedy." Of course, there are maybe a couple of things wrong with that fantasy, but that's OK, because in the movie running in Hoft's mind, everything would turn out perfectly: OF COURSE the armed school employee would be located in exactly the right place to respond, and OF COURSE that hero would not have been the first person shot by Lanza after he shot his way into the school, and OF COURSE our Die-Hard Teacher would have fired accurately, and so on. Everything works like that. In a movie. Totally confirmed, man.
Incidentally, Rachel Maddow addressed another element that just might have impeded Lanza. She addressed this a good two weeks ago, which is worth mentioning, since Jim Hoft thinks that the five-minute timeline of the attack is new news (relevant part starts at 1:15):
Is the Stupidest Man On the Internet done lying about Newtown today? Not hardly! In another story, with the headline "Sorry Liberal Media… Adam Lanza Was Not an NRA Member," Hoft accuses an NBC story of lying when it said "Authorities also recovered a certificate in Lanza’s name from the National Rifle Association." You see, the NRA released a statement saying that Adam Lanza had never been a member, so NBC can't possibly be right!
Of course, Jim Hoft, in a bit of a hurry to accuse the "liberal media" of lying, suffers from another of his selective brain shutdowns, seeing as how: 1) The "certificate" is most likely for completion of some class or another; 2) the nefarious NBC story never claims Lanza was an NRA member; 3) the lousy stinking filthy NBC story quotes the very same NRA denial that Hoft says disproves a claim that the NBC story never made in the first place; and 4) that "NRA certificate" is also mentioned in the very Fox News story that Hoft approvingly linked to in his earlier post, two and a half hours earlier, about the 5-minute timeline confirming something that it never confirmed. This probably has something to do with the fact that both the NBC and Fox stories are based on information released by Connecticut authorities.
Why is Fox News so libtarded?
Yr Doktor Zoom has made it clear that in addition to his usual pittance, he fully expects that Yr Editrix will compensate him with one (1) Wonkette Exclusive "Shut The Fuck Up Luke Russert" coffee mug, for having to plumb the depths of Pure Stoopid that is Jim Hoft's writing. Even with tongs, that crap's toxic.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.