You might have heard something about America's new President, Captain Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger. He landed a plane on the Hudson, and was able to repeat the Oath of Office correctly, and now he is famous. Hooray! But how quickly America forgets its original Sully, a one Mr. Andrew "Sully" Sullivan, a Briton whom King George III put in charge of the colonies' Internet in 1772. Where does one Sully begin and the other Sully end? See Wonkette's official chart for your very own exciting answers!


Name

Captain Sully: Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III

Journalist Sully: Andrew "Sully" Sullivan

Age

Captain Sully: 58

Journalist Sully: 45

Occupation

Captain Sully: US Air pilot, American hero

Journalist Sully: Internet-defining blogger for the Atlantic

Facial Hair

Captain Sully: A thin, white mustache that also flew F4s, for America

Journalist Sully: Strangely anthropomorphic beard

Claim to fame

Captain Sully: A visiting scholar at Berkeley (really!)! Also recently landed an airplane in the Hudson River

Journalist Sully: Gap model [Folio]

Sidekick

Captain Sully: His "crew" (actual) and his "crew" (colloquial), the latter including his fitness instructor wife and the California exurb of Danville, which recently gave him its key; plus his crew (cut) [The Mercury News]

Journalist Sully: "Patrick", a shadowy, shapeless Rosencrantz who fills in for Sully when Christopher Hitchens' cocktails prove too British; his two homosexual beagles

Bete Noire

Captain Sully: Islamofascist geese

Journalist Sully: 1980s pinup Leon Wieseltier, the New Republic's literary editor; Paul Krugman [The New Republic] [The Nation]

What His Friends Say

Captain Sully: "It's not too often to see a hometown hero from a small town" - Danville resident [Los Angeles Times]

Journalist Sully: "I want tongue. Give me tongue. Let the record show: Sullivan wouldn't give tongue" - Christopher Hitchens, extra, La Dolce Vita [Wonkette]

What His Enemies Say

Captain Sully: "The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi" - Dick Cheney

Journalist Sully: "[Sullivan endorsed] Rep. Ron Paul for the Republican nomination" - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia [Andrew Sullivan]

Fun Fact!

Captain Sully: Was simply doing his job like he was trained to do.

Journalist Sully: Talks like this. [Google Video]

Catchphrase

Captain Sully: "Brace for impact." [NY Daily News]

Journalist Sully: "But with no medical records, it's impossible to know." [The Daily Dish]

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc