Before we get started on today's New York Times, let's talk about Christmas gifts. No, we're not asking you for anything, though you should really get us something soon. We just wanted to tell you about a little thing we picked up for you called Hallelujah Sweet Baby Jesus There Is No Maureen Dowd Column This Week. See? We knew that was on your list.
Before we rage rage against the selfishness of the rich, we're be remiss if we didn't point you towards the NYT's Neediest Cases Campaign. If you're feeling curmudgeonly and no Christmas fucking spirt-y and have decided to completely ignore your family this year because you really do not want to talk about how the Duck Dynasty guy is like Rosa Parks, mebbe consider throwing a few dollars at this fund, which raises millions for seven New York City social services agencies or throw some at your local food shelf or anything really, because it will definitely make you feel better than talking to your uncle about politics ever again. (If your loathing of people is too high at the holidays, and really, who could blame you, consider throwing coin at an animal shelter, even if it is one in Brooklyn that gives famous names to dogs because people will probably adopt "George Clooney" before they will adopt "Fido.")
Christmas morning I'd be happier with a Hoover, if you know what I mean.
White people problems strike again.