SUNDAY SPECIAL: Stupid Pictures From Last Week's Most Important Congressional Baseball Game Ever


You didn't think we'd forgotten the baseball post, did you? Never! Our full coverage of last week's annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game was always destined to come on Sunday, because Sunday is a day for watching baseball after Church. This was always the plan. Always. Always time infinity. (Lies.) So let's take a photo tour of Republicans vs. Democrats playing a sport, terribly, in their tights (YES, THAT MEANS JOE BARTON) at Nationals Stadium. Up top: escaped Uighurs from New Jersey sneak into the field!

There weren't too many Wonkette Characters playing roles, because Wonkette Characters are fat and hate fun. That didn't stop Texas' smart science scientist Joe Barton from playing though! (Just kidding, he was only the manager.) That's Opossum Joe farthest to the left, cheering on #11 Phil Gingrey, who only got Rush Limbaugh to sign his permission slip to play at the very last minute.

Joe Barton: no ass. Would it help or hinder his team?

Smart hero baller Eric Cantor was there, oh boy. He mostly meandered by the vendors eating junk food. He had no interest in watching this sports battle and only came because his staffers told him it was a Britney Spears concert. He had several terrifying security men surrounding him (who does he think he is, John Boehner or someone else important?), which is our excuse for the camera's unsteadiness, or at least the one we're running with.

The stadium was split into sides, for Democrats and Republicans. We sat on the Republican side hoping to eavesdrop on conversations and pick up hilarious racism. Unfortunately the ONLY black people on that side (maybe) were in a group sitting directly next to us. We hoped the two black people would take a bathroom break together or something, in Solidarity, allowing their white friends to tell the hot new n***** jokes for a few minutes. Never happened, although they did say at one point, "Did you read about that Liz person's emails??"

Later, we would find out that this group was sitting on the wrong side.

Hey, you're not the "real" Duncan Hunter at all! You're probably his son and we could just take three seconds to google that and get "information," but we're not going to, and that's your fault for not adding a "junior" or whatever to your name.

A hobbit, everyone! Does the hobbit know the rules? (That is actually freshman Democratic Rep. Frank Kratovil of Maryland.) No one ever called security to get the hobbit off the field, either. We just *allow* these threatening monsters to play along now, in our liberal dungaree-wearing society.

Joe Barton makes a pitching change, or at least goes to "calm down" whichever loser was on the Hill. He took it very seriously, much like he does the destruction of the Earth from high temperature in like 20 years.

(Oh, if you were interested in who won this clown battle, it was 15-10 Democrats, their first win in eight years, which is symbolic and junk. Now, back to the nonsense.)

Intern Riley chases after orange mascot John Boehner, who had just turned down a photo request with him, like a penis. And since this is the closest thing to a "crowd shot" we have, let's talk attendance. Just by looking, your editor determined it to be around 2,500. Intern Riley was adamant that the figure was closer to 1,500 so we fired him. Either way it was more than all Nationals games this season, combined.

Here's the Democratic side of things. Which famous Democrats played, you ask. Anthony Weiner and failed former Washington professional athlete Heath Shuler, is the best we can offer. Neat.

THE DEMOCRATS WERE SO INTO IT, on the Democratic side! This made them infinitely more annoying than the Republicans, who were just trying to get through the day, as usual. Not even joking, these Dem staffers broke into MANY loud, smug group chants of "Yes We Can," when they weren't heckling "EAAAARRRRMAAARRRKS" instead. Jesus.

Intern Riley was about ten-sheets-to-the-wind by the sixth inning and was determined to get anyone to autograph his Oscar Wilde action figure box. (Not making up absurdities here, either.) The Dems were too busy "celebrating" though. But who cares -- why waste a great comedic autograph opportunity on Frank Kratovil or some other bore? There will be other Wonkette crashes, later, with wackier frauds, in wackier times...

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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