Last night, Malcolm Smith of the Colorado Seabirds won the Super-Ball Much Vaunted Person Certificate for his outstanding achievements in hitting, catching, and running. This gave Malcolm Smith something that somebody else wanted. The something was a microphone, and the somebody else was Matthew Mills, an "independent" "journalist" from Brooklyn, NY. As real journalists gathered around Smith to ask him questions about his mood, Mills saw his chance. He grabbed the microphone from Smith like a sportsball man doing a sweet move, and managed to say "Investigate 9/11; 9/11 was perpetrated by people within our own government" before not saying that anymore and something else happening. It looks like he darted away after a confused man touched him, but someone must have roughed him up at some point, right? Today, we are all never forgetting.

The video at the top of this post is probably going to be taken down because of copyright tyranny, but it is the best one we found because Malcolm Smith makes a funny joke at the end: "Check his press pass." Malcolm Smith will be Obama's next Homeland Security director, probably. Should we ban the press, or merely their conferences? It's a tough call, better check the slow-motion replay.

Maybe the best part of the story is the strategy "truth"-yeller Mills used to sneak into the press conference: he put on an "old credential from a festival he covered" and told security he was running late. Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us fake journalists who never throw out their old neck papers because we hold onto all kinds of junk for no reason, dude. Second best part, though, is that he was only charged with trespassing. We'll have to consult the Illuminati Code, but we thought that interrupting a sports millionaire with inane politics yelling was a gulagable offense.

On a scale of 1 (nothing weird happened) to 10 (Soy Bomb), Matthew Mills ranks about a 6 ("keep fucking that chicken").

Follow Alex! On Twitter!

[youtube / / youtube]


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc