Super Nice Time! Pray-Away-The-Gay Group Exodus International Admits They Were Jerks, Are Very Sorry, Will Close!
There’s not much to say about this except HOLY SHIT! YES! WOW! WOOOO! THIS IS AMAZING! WE ARE CRYING A LITTLE! No, Joe Biden is not sexting us, it’s BETTER! Exodus International, an organization founded to “help” LGBT people not be gay anymore because Jesus, will now cease to exist. And it’s not because they lost their lease, or got shut down for being horrible; no, their president, Alan Chambers, has just outright said (paraphrasing), “We were wrong, we’re hurting people, Jesus said love everybody, we are really sorry, bye now!” Reading Chambers’s personal statement actually made yr Wonkette wonder if it was a little dusty in here, which is something that hasn’t happened since the end of the movie Armageddon, when Bruce Willis sacrifices himself to save…we can’t, sorry, just read this excerpt from Chambers’ actually-an-apology-apology:
Please know that I am deeply sorry. I am sorry for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced. I am sorry that some of you spent years working through the shame and guilt you felt when your attractions didn’t change. I am sorry we promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents. I am sorry that there were times I didn’t stand up to people publicly “on my side” who called you names like sodomite -- or worse. I am sorry that I, knowing some of you so well, failed to share publicly that the gay and lesbian people I know were every bit as capable of being amazing parents as the straight people that I know. I am sorry that when I celebrated a person coming to Christ and surrendering their sexuality to Him that I callously celebrated the end of relationships that broke your heart. I am sorry that I have communicated that you and your families are less than me and mine.
More than anything, I am sorry that so many have interpreted this religious rejection by Christians as God’s rejection. I am profoundly sorry that many have walked away from their faith and that some have chosen to end their lives. For the rest of my life I will proclaim nothing but the whole truth of the Gospel, one of grace, mercy and open invitation to all to enter into an inseverable relationship with almighty God.
Wow. Now we will not feel like such equivocating weasels when we pretend to believe “oh don’t get us wrong, religion can do some good things for people, it’s just the bad yadda yadda” when we’re talkin’ god with anyone whose views we’re not familiar with. Chambers told The Atlantic that he plans to start a new project, as yet undefined, "that won't have anything to do with the issue of ex-gay."
What other Nice Times are in store today? Will Marcus Bachmann follow Exodus' example? Will Obama travel back in time five years and close Guantanamo? Will Peggy Noonan give up writing? Will Jim Hoft finally pay the fuck up? Truly, anything seems possible!