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Sorry not sorry, Alabama


In a stunning defeat for the backwater cousin-humpers of Alabama, the United States Supreme Court unanimously ruled Monday that the state's Supreme Court sure is dumb at reading the Constitution.

The case stems from a nice lesbian couple in Georgia who decided to make some twin babies together, with science. The couple filed adoption papers, so that the non-birth mommy could also be a legal parent of her own children. But when the couple went splitsville a few years later, the birth mommy tried to get a court in Alabama to say "nuh uh, that adoption in Georgia doesn't count" because Alabama judges hate homosextarians very a lot, so they're inclined to refuse to recognize any rights said homosextarians might have under the law.

And what da ya know? The Alabama Supreme Court delivered such an opinion, that stupid Georgia lesbos don't got no rights in Alabama, tough titties because "jurisdiction" and "full faith and credit" and other legal phrases invoked as a convenient excuse to avoid recognizing a lesbian's rights, because Alabama. So the adoptive mother had no right to custody or visitation with her own children because the state of Alabama didn't have to recognize an adoption executed in Georgia.

Is that constitutional? Ha nope, not according to the even more Supreme Court, of these United States:

The Georgia judgment appears on its face to have been issued by a court with jurisdiction, and there is no established Georgia law to the contrary. It follows that the Alabama Supreme Court erred in refusing to grant that judgment full faith and credit. [...] The judgment of the Alabama Supreme Court is reversed, and the case is remanded for further proceedings not inconsistent with this opinion.

[contextly_sidebar id="jCqq7M5aWI4BouguJkD5xjc7lEHvekr0"]In other words, you Alabama judges are idiots (again), and the adoption is legit, so y'all better figure out this custody situation after all. There is some legal jargonese talk to explain the specific how and why of how the Alabama Supreme Court done fucked up, and you can go read the opinion if you are that kind of nerd. (Does the Full Faith and Credit Clause get you so hot, baby?)

But here is some bottom line real talk for you: no justices dissented on this opinion, which shows you exactly how cut-and-dry and indisputably obvious DUH the lower court's decision was if even Justice Clarence Thomas did not dribble sad bigot tears onto a page and sign his name under them. We hear Dead Scalia might have dissented from the grave, but that doesn't count, because he is dead.

[SCOTUS order via BuzzFeed]

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