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Supreme Court Says You Can Go Ahead And Get Gay Married After All, Idaho

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Apparently, Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy just needed a few days to think about gays getting married in Idaho because on Friday, the court issued this very brief order:


The application for stay presented to Justice Kennedy and by him referred to the Court is denied. The orders heretofore entered by Justice Kennedy are vacated.

That now vacated order would be the one Justice Kennedy issued on Wednesday, telling Idaho and Nevada to just hang on one dang second with that marriage stuff, a mere day after the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals issued a most excellent opinion telling those two states, and specifically Gov. Butch Otter, to shove their "traditional marriage" into any orifice of their choosing.

Idaho immediately ran screaming to the court -- "Save us, Justice Kennedy, save us from The Gay!" -- but Nevada didn't, on account of how it was too busy celebrating. Kennedy, however, got himself all confused because how do you even tell the difference between Nevada and Idaho? So he said, "Okay, everybody stop!" Plus also there were three whole different case numbers, and you know how men are with math.

So later that day, he had to revise his order clarifying that he was only saving Idaho, but not Nevada, from The Gay because Nevada was like, "Yeah! Bring. It. ON!"

Anyway, for whatever reason we will probably never know, the court decided Idaho has had enough time to lick its wounds, so now congratulations, Idaho, you just got throat-crammed too.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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