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Via FlickrWhat's a fast food company to do when duly elected government officials enact a law designed to make companies treat their workers like human beings? In McDonald's case, the answer is "sue all the way to the Supreme Court." On Monday, though, the highest court in the land basically kidney-punched Ronald McDonald right in his stupid newclown evening jacket, telling the company, in legal terms, to STFU.


This is (SURPRISE!) once again about Seattle, Washington's landmark $15 minimum wage law. McDonald's legal challenge wasn't to the law itself, though; not even fast food companies are dumb enough to think "a civic government raising wages through a fair legislative process" would be ruled unconstitutional, even if aspiring Nazgul Antonin Scalia were still on the bench (update: he is not. He is still dead). The International Franchise Association (which, as a reminder, generally exists in order to screw over franchisees at the behest of their parent companies), one of the organizations behind the challenge, instead sought to cripple the law by targeting the provision that gave small businesses three years more to enact the higher wages than were granted to megacorps. McDonald's had been pooping in its Pampers about the "discriminatory" nature of such a provision, especially since the company's franchises (which are 90% of all McDonald's locations) weren't classified as small businesses.

A federal judge ruled against McDonald's in March 2015, and the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals likewise ruled McDonald's were being a bunch of dumb assholes. The company was nevertheless hopeful the Supreme Court might be more pliable. SCOTUS, though, rejected McDonald's challenge, refusing to hear it and basically responding "what they said" in reference to the lower court's ruling. It's unclear if Antonin Scalia would've influenced the court towards hearing the case; if he would have done, we have yet another example of Dead Scalia making the world a better place.

It should also come as no surprise that this was the end result. McDonald's was, as per usual, looking to have it both ways: relying on a business model that royally screws over their franchisees to a degree unusual even in the fast food industry, while simultaneously attempting to get them treated as Mom n' Pop stores. It would be laughable if it weren't so disingenuously sociopathic. Now that their challenge has officially been fired into the sun, might we suggest McDonald's restructure their agreements such that the company doesn't assume 95% of the profit and 0% of the costs associated with franchise operation? That might be a good move. You dickrockets.

Say it with me, class: an increased minimum wage does not destroy the economy. It does not destroy the entire fast food business model. It will not be leading to The Robopocalypse (crap, I knew I forgot one). Thank you and good day, sir or madam.

WE. SAID. GOOD. DAY.

[Reuters]

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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