Via FlickrWhat's a fast food company to do when duly elected government officials enact a law designed to make companies treat their workers like human beings? In McDonald's case, the answer is "sue all the way to the Supreme Court." On Monday, though, the highest court in the land basically kidney-punched Ronald McDonald right in his stupid newclown evening jacket, telling the company, in legal terms, to STFU.

This is (SURPRISE!) once again about Seattle, Washington's landmark $15 minimum wage law. McDonald's legal challenge wasn't to the law itself, though; not even fast food companies are dumb enough to think "a civic government raising wages through a fair legislative process" would be ruled unconstitutional, even if aspiring Nazgul Antonin Scalia were still on the bench (update: he is not. He is still dead). The International Franchise Association (which, as a reminder, generally exists in order to screw over franchisees at the behest of their parent companies), one of the organizations behind the challenge, instead sought to cripple the law by targeting the provision that gave small businesses three years more to enact the higher wages than were granted to megacorps. McDonald's had been pooping in its Pampers about the "discriminatory" nature of such a provision, especially since the company's franchises (which are 90% of all McDonald's locations) weren't classified as small businesses.

A federal judge ruled against McDonald's in March 2015, and the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals likewise ruled McDonald's were being a bunch of dumb assholes. The company was nevertheless hopeful the Supreme Court might be more pliable. SCOTUS, though, rejected McDonald's challenge, refusing to hear it and basically responding "what they said" in reference to the lower court's ruling. It's unclear if Antonin Scalia would've influenced the court towards hearing the case; if he would have done, we have yet another example of Dead Scalia making the world a better place.

It should also come as no surprise that this was the end result. McDonald's was, as per usual, looking to have it both ways: relying on a business model that royally screws over their franchisees to a degree unusual even in the fast food industry, while simultaneously attempting to get them treated as Mom n' Pop stores. It would be laughable if it weren't so disingenuously sociopathic. Now that their challenge has officially been fired into the sun, might we suggest McDonald's restructure their agreements such that the company doesn't assume 95% of the profit and 0% of the costs associated with franchise operation? That might be a good move. You dickrockets.

Say it with me, class: an increased minimum wage does not destroy the economy. It does not destroy the entire fast food business model. It will not be leading to The Robopocalypse (crap, I knew I forgot one). Thank you and good day, sir or madam.



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Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube


6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,


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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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