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Symbolic Washington Monument Symbolically Closed Forever By Earthquake Damage

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Here is some terrifying video at the 500-foot level of the Washington Monument during the big East Coast earthquake. The government helpfully didn't reveal the extent of the damage, nor this frightening video, until now. Check out the ranger gal -- seen here in the original NPS clip scratching her head and texting until the quake strikes -- as she looks up in horror and then either leads the tourists to safety or just runs like hell! Also, what happened to the last guy who came back, and then never went down the stairs again? The made-up answer may surprise you!


Also, best YouTube comment goes to this guy:

This is a Democracy. I vote that we install the Eye of Sauron on top of the Washington Monument

-- shadowprince9

Shadowprince9, everybody! And the answer to our quiz is "taken to Heaven" because the guy in the hat was actually Jesus ... or Mohammad ... or Captain Kirk, one of those d00dz. [Washington Post]

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Can the breaking news take a fucking break for five seconds so we can start getting in gear for eating nine million calories of food and being thankful for everything we ...

No?

Fine, go, New York Times:

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Would you like to watch a joyful video featuring America's last competent and smart and sexxxy president, Barry Bamz-A-Lot McGee? Of course you would! You are probably already traveling for Thanksgiving, so STOP WATCHING THIS VIDEO WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING, IDIOT. But if you are not currently operating a motor vehicle, please proceed with this post!

Anyway, Barack Obama was saying words at his Obummer Foundation Summit, put on by the Nobummer Foundation, and he was talking about why it's so dang hard for America to actually get Great Again in these trying times. He didn't mention Donald Trump's name, because he only does that when he really wants to, but he sure did list some of the things that are holding us (read: Trump) back. You know, like racism.

And "mommy issues."

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