'Make It Happen.' Wonkagenda For Fri., Jan. 18, 2019

Trump's shutdown enters day 28, and Michael Cohen was ordered to lie to Congress. Your morning news brief!

Russia

Trump To Pelosi: I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT IF I STEP ON MY OWN DICK AND EAT IT AT THE SAME TIME?

Well played, Trump! Or, you know, the opposite of that.

News

At Least President Bugf*ck Isn't Saying NO COLLUSION Anymore, Just Kidding Yes He Is

And more dispatches from the most batshit press gaggle Trump has done in at least TWO WEEKS!

Russia

Everybody Who Maybe Bribed Michael Cohen Needs To STOP FUCKING TALKING RIGHT NOW

THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU?

Russia

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Fuck Are All These Russians Doing In Michael Cohen's Sex Payoff Slush Fund?????

THE FUCK IS ALL THIS SHIT, MICHAEL COHEN?

Russia

Robert Mueller's New Cooperating Witness Much Further Up Russia's Ass Than Previously Reported!

Here, have a bunch of new information about the rapidly expanding cast of characters in the Trump-Russia conspiracy!

Russia

New York Times Takes Break From Kissing Trump's Ass, Kisses Melania's Ass Instead

What the fuck is wrong with the New York Times?

Culture

Sean Hannity Responds To Trump Mueller News By OMG LOOK SQUIRREL CAR CRASH ROBOT NAKED LADY BOOBIES!

Bless his little heart.

Culture

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Nastya Rybka Is Free! Sort Of! Wait, Y'all Remember Who The F*ck Nastya Rybka Is?

Russia

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