By the Comics Curmudgeon
Usually your Comics Curmudgeon approaches his work with a certain lightness of heart. But today is not such a day. Today is a day in which cartoons will be angrily berated for their various failings. Today is the day of wrath, the one foretold by the prophets of ancient times. LET US BEGIN.


Click on the comics to make them larger and better see their flaws!

Oh, hi, Santa! "Saint Nick." That's Dutch, right? Anyway, I know you're, like, 1,500 years old or whatever, but I thought maybe you could stay awake while listening to the rather serious list of problems we have in this country? I mean, I'm sorry if our troubles bore you, Santa. We're just America, the country that liberated your Dutch homeland from the motherfucking Nazis. I'm sure you'd be thrilled if you spent all your days making toys for Hitler, with your certified Aryan elves, right? Oh, but where are you living now? The North Pole? The North Pole that's easily within range of our Alaskan-based nuclear-armed bombers? Yeah, you should maybe keep awake a while, fat guy. Show a little respect. If you know what's good for you.

Oh, hi, Pilgrims! You're having your nice Thanksgiving dinner, and you're giving thanks, probably for the fact that you didn't starve to death like half of your buddies, right? Oh, wait, what's that, you're thanking God for a government that doesn't try to run your life? You mean like the one you live under in your little colony of religious maniacs, where church attendance is fucking mandatory, and children are required to be educated just enough to read the bible? No, nobody's running your life there, no sir! Oh, and of course if one of your neighbors thinks you're acting weird, or just doesn't like you, you can be tortured to see if you're a witch, and then once you confess, you'll be executed! But at least you don't have to pay any fucking taxes, right? Fuck that noise. Mandatory tithing is where it's at!

Oh, hi, turkey! Yeah, I guess it was Thanksgiving and all, a holiday where turkeys are traditionally killed by farmers, with axes! I say "traditionally" because most turkeys served in America today never see an actual farmer, and are instead killed by a low-wage agro-industrial worker, and rather than feeling the blade of an axe are just shoved alive into horrifying industrial poultry-processing devices, but anyway! It'd be pretty funny if a turkey threatened a farmer with an axe, amiright? What, I'm wrong? It wouldn't be all that funny even if the joke hadn't been used a gazillion times over the past hundred years? Well, I know what would make it funny -- current events! Like, what if the turkey were the Fed, and the farmer were Congress! ’Cause, man, the Fed, it's going to kill Congress, with an axe! Wouldn't that be awesome? No, hold on, it wouldn't, because, uh, Ron Paul and shit, I don't know, the point is, axe-wielding turkey-Fed, it's funny, and an important statement about our modern problems, trust me on this.

Oh, hi, Obamacare Express! Looks like you're slowing down because the tracks are covered with the slippery blood of aborted babies! Now, I'm not an expert on pro-life propaganda, but, look, you've already got a train, right? Shouldn't you really have worked a Holocaust metaphor into here? Should the Obamacare Express be pulling into Abortion Auschwitz (Aborschwitz?) right about now? With lots of little fetuses in striped pajamas? And Reid and Pelosi in SS uniforms? Come on, have the guts to see this madness through to its logical fucking conclusion, you know?

OK, uh, calm down, calm down, deep breaths, what have we here? Um, it looks like Thanksgiving with the Palins, that's kind of pedestrian ... and Sarah has made the turkey look like Levi, so that they can dismember and eat him, that's ... that's pretty strange. But what's this? Check out the bib on Tripp. It says "dang." Just ... "dang." That is without question the funniest thing I've seen this week. Jeff Danziger, you sir, are a hero for our age!

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