Tea Party Plans Epic Comeback By Destroying Obama For Reals This Time


Hey, anyone remember those silly costumed role-playing Republicans who pretended they were this whole new party of teabaggers, but actually, they were just Republicans? You may vaguely recall Fox News doing non-stop coverage of four or five of them waving misspelled signs in public spaces to prove what a "huge" movement this was going to be, all these cranky old white dudes whining about how their taxes were too high because reverse racism, thanks to President Obama, who actually made their taxes lower, but hey, why split hairs? Yeah. Those guys. The ones whom establishment Republicans welcomed with open arms, only to realize that hey, those mofos be CRAZY.

Well, the tea party will NOT BE IGNORED, DAN, and they are pretty excited to report that all their worst fears have come true:

They say the IRS acknowledgement that it had targeted their groups for extra scrutiny – a claim that tea party activists had made for years – is helping pump new energy into the coalition. And they are trying to use that development, along with the ongoing controversy over the Benghazi, Libya, terrorist attacks and the Justice Department's secret seizure of journalists' phone records, to recruit new activists incensed about government overreach.

To the tri-corner hat wholesale outlet, boys!

Obama has Hitlered everything forever, after all:

"This is the defining moment to say `I told you so,' " said Katrina Pierson, a Dallas-based tea party leader, who traveled to Washington last week as the three political headaches for President Barack Obama unfolded.

What is it they told us again? Let's review the greatest hits: Something something about how taxes would lead to the Holocaust and Obamacare would lead to the Holocaust and a black president would lead to the Holocaust and insurance coverage of birth control was just like 9/11 and argle bargle death panels. This is why only 23 percent of Americans consider themselves "a supporter of the Tea Party movement," coincidentally the same number of people who think we found WMD in Iraq, gravity is just a theory, and the Earth is flat.

Sure, the tea party movement was "popular" (read: we all enjoyed having a good laugh at those nutjobs) for a while, but then they went so blatantly beyond nutjob -- even trying to organize a boycott against its professional propaganda arm Fox News for refusing to report Teh TruthTM about BENGHAZIII!!!! and trying to recruit Sarah Palin to run for Senate in Alaska -- that everyone who had been even mildly intrigued by this new "movement" just shrugged and backed away and pretended it had all been some weird dream starring Dick Armey and some guys in funny hats.

Well, almost everyone:

Sen. Marco Rubio, R-Fla., elected in 2010 with tea party backing, said the IRS scandal "confirms many of the feelings that led to the tea party movement in the first place."

"What's happened here is a reminder of, this is what happens when you expand government," he said in an interview with The Associated Press. "That and the disaster that is Obamacare is going to be a real catalyst in 2014 and beyond."

Yeah, okay, Marco, whatevs. The IRS taking a close look at a group of wackadoodles who wave their guns around in public while shrieking that the president is illegitimate and they don't want to pay their taxes, plus your dumbass can't-take-no-for-an-answer party trying to repeal Obamacare for the eleventy billionth time is definitely going to lead to an electoral landslide in 2014. Definitely. And that's why what's left of the tea party is so jazzed about all these exciting faux scandals -- because now they will finally have their chance to save America from taxes and socialized healthcare for reals.

An email from Teaparty.org that was sent to activists proclaimed: "We've worked so hard these past few years and it's paying off! We're witnessing the unraveling of a presidency at an unprecedented rate."

Oh right. They'll get on that saving America thing just as soon as they finish destroying the president, which is all they've ever really cared about anyway.



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