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Look! He smiles sometimes!


So! Where are we? Donald Trump has so far failed to nominate any non-white-supremacist sentient being to any part of his cabinet. Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions, a gigantic racist, is Trump's pick to be the attorney general in charge of protecting people's civil rights. (CALL YOUR SENATORS.) Michael Flynn, a disgraced, retired general who had to be fired by the Obama administration, and who loves Russia SO MUCH, will be Trump's national security advisor, a post that does not require Senate confirmation, probably because Flynn is too awful to get confirmed by a Republican Senate. Then there's Steve Bannon and Reince Priebus, and everything is the worst and awful and terrible and we are already drinking.

Trump's pick to head the CIA is interesting, in the same way canker sores are interesting. It is Kansas congresshick Mike Pompeo! And not everybody is quite as terrified by this pick as they are by all the others. According to the New York Times, California Democratic Rep. Adam Schiff called him "bright and hardworking." And he should know, because they worked together on the endless, fruitless, fucking bullshit BENGHAZZZZZIIZIZIIIZII!!!!!11!!!1!!!!!!!!!1! investigation.

OH YEAH. BENGHAZI IN THE HOUSE, Y'ALL.

Let's travel back in time to happier days, when America was still a thing and House Republicans were witch-hunting Hillary Clinton, like God intended, holding an eleven hour hearing to try to uncover The Smoking Gun that would prove Hillary personally directed a Clinton Foundation-commissioned drone to murder FOUR DEAD AMERICANS in Benghazi, all while she was eating bon bons and sending illegal emails to literally everyone.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595240/benghazi-republican-why-didnt-hillary-have-lesbian-sleepovers-with-ambassador-stevens"></a>[/wonkbar]Pompeo was fun that day! He just KNEW he had finded a thing when he interrogated Hillary about whether Ambassador Chris Stevens had her phone number, or her Snapchat, or her AOL Instant Messenger screen name, or whether he had even ever been over to her house for a lesbian sleepover with Huma Abedin. VERDICT: He had not! But you know who did? Mike Pompeo knew who did, and it was Hillary's friend Sidney Blumenthal, CASE CLOSED!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595229/benghazi-committee-republicans-super-jealous-they-dont-get-cool-emails-like-hillary"></a>[/wonkbar]AND ALSO! Sidney Blumenthal sent Hillary so many emails, and sometimes they had big important intelligence-type stuff in them, and Pompeo was like "OH YEAH? None of my friends ever send me cool emails like that, because I am a Kansas congressman and the only social events I ever get invited to are Cow-Tipping Jesus Revivals. ANSWER THAT, HILLARY!" (She did, by saying Blumenthal is her friend, and we were left to infer that Hillz was very sorry Pompeo's friends are all losers who never send him sexxxy emails.)

We do not know what Pompeo thought he proved that day, but we are sure it will serve him well when he's the CIA chief, assuming he is confirmed by the Senate. (CALL YOUR SENATORS.)

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603506/gop-benghazi-press-conference-basically-just-trey-gowdy-stepping-repeatedly-on-own-dick"></a>[/wonkbar]When smug South Carolina congress-twat Rep. Trey Gowdy released the results of the committee's Benghazi investigation (the one millionth investigation of Benghazi), it was clear that the committee came up with NO NEW INFORMATION about what happened that fateful night in 2012. But Mike Pompeo and Rep. Jim Jordan were still rootin-tootin' mad, and released their own 48-page addendum, just to let America know they pretty much think Hillary is an evil C-word.

So, will the CIA actually continue to do actual CIA work under Pompeo, or will Mike Pompeo instead devote all its resources to finally figuring out what happened in Benghazi? Only time will tell! We'll just have to wait and see! Oh goodness you guys, ISN'T THIS NEW TRUMP ERA SO EXCITING?

[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

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In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

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