Team Wonkette Party Crash: Watching TV With Jim Webb

06lastcall.jpgIt was a long night for us too, buddy.

The election night energy was cranked up to eleven at "The Party Everyone Was Calling 'Jim Webb's Victory Party.'" How we fooled Webb's press staff into giving credentials to local lay-about Intern Nick we'll never know, but he got in, and provides exclusive documentation of the most anti-climactic party East of the Bitterroot Mountains, after the jump.

01arlington.jpgAt about one a.m., this guy made a sign that said, "Need a ride back to Arlington." Typical Democrat, always looking for a handout.

The lobby and ballroom of the Sheraton hotel in Tyson's Corner was neck deep in Democrats by 7:00. The line for cocktail weenies and things-in-blankets was fast moving and the 5 separate bars (not including the main lobby bar) were hard at work greasing the party wheels.

02table.jpgWas there any table-dancing at Allen's party?

The early hours of the night were mostly spent watching CNN on one of the two movie sized screens set up in the ballroom and then doing a fist-pump and war whoop whenever the Virginia results appeared. Those looking to up the nerd ante carried their laptops around in what we're sure was an attempt to get into "Hey, what's the latest?" conversations that would turn into trading predictions and faux-insider info == we wanted no part.


While Webb himself was safely ensconced in a suite on the hotel's 23rd floor, the rank and file party-goers were mingling downstairs with the legions of reporters. We're not to sure what kind of questions they had, but we were mostly asking:

  • When does the actual partying start?

  • What do you really think of George Allen?

  • Will Jim Webb write a sexy book about the Senate like he did with Vietnam?

  • Do you think losing tonight will make George Allen more racist, or less racist?

04garywebb.jpgCrazy brother Gary Webb

05ladies.jpgIntern Nick can always be counted on to send in two to three pictures of girls he thought were cute.

The answers we got were pretty tame, and with a surprisingly small deviation.

Apparently, 9 Jim Webb supporters think George Allen is a "jerk," 11 think he's "an idiot," 4 think he's definitely, "an asshole," and there was one, "I hate him."

Seems like hard fought campaigns that had as many hilarious character attacks as these did would elicit more of a response, and since we were drinking more than anyone else anyway, we ended up doing a little prompting. Mostly along the lines of, "Is that all? Don't you think he's also a douchey fucktard twatwaffle?" 100% of respondents to this question said, "Well, yeah."

07jimi.jpgBut are you experienced, prospective Senator Webb?

Answers to the other questions, in no particular order:

  • "He's racist enough."

  • "Webb's wife is really hot."

  • "I'm sorry sir, we're out of Heineken."

08moran.jpgGET A BRAIN, MORAN.

By 10 o'clock daughter-of-honor Julia Webb was cranky and refusing pictures. At 11 o'clock the Webb campaign slide show (with "Killin Em Softly" soundtrack) replaced CNN. At 11:20 the Webb campaign slide show ran again with U2's "In God's Country." Then some speeches by Andrew Hurst (loser) and Jim Moran (winner). Then Macacawitz came on TV (to a chorus of boos, and one, "Concede asshole!"), and threw down the gauntlet, or bloody deer head-severing glove, or whatever. Finally Webb himself appears and announces, "We won." Cue the cheering and bagpipes, played by a costumed Gary Webb. By this time they'd already closed the bar, no final resolution was in sight, and if Original Macaca had been there, he'd've left. And so did we.

09reporters.jpgDC party warning sign: Journos outnumber attendees.

10virginians.jpgWell, they are white.

11laptop.jpg", sorry. I just don't get the whole lonelygirl15 thing."

12morephones.jpg"More phones! I just don't quite look important enough!


14poster.jpgWho the hell's idea was the creepy cartoon on top and do they know that they're responsible for the race being so goddam close that we'll need to recount it on Christmas?

15dog.jpgWebb Canine Shocker: "Bitches Shouldn't Serve As Police Dogs."

Webb's pretend victory speech, with Gary on bagpipes:


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