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2020 presidential election

Elizabeth Warren Wants To Beat Big Tech With An Antitrust Stick

She said it very softly, so you may not have heard her.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren has just just quietly threatened to beat big tech monopolies with a big stick. Channeling the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt, Warren has proposed a plan to break up companies like Amazon, Facebook, and Google in order to trim the bloated and douchey tech industry. By threatening Silicon Valley's socially awkward hoodie Hitlers, she's sending a signal to the rest of the corporatocracy that their tax-payer funded free lunch is over. It's about damn time!

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Science

Facebook 'Pivots To Privacy.' Dick Pics And Disinfo For Everyone!

Come on, baby, you can trust Zuck!

Facebook has decided to pivot from being a "town square" to a "living room" after realizing nobody likes hanging out with an entire village full of idiots. Facebook still wants to be the de facto place for sharing ugly baby pictures and screaming half-baked political opinions, it just wants to limit its liability when some nut rants about murdering Jews and Muslims. Instead of being forced to become the cyber police, Mark Zuckerberg says Facebook will begin focusing on private chat systems to protect people -- even though he's spent the majority of his life as a man-child taking a dump all over other people's privacy.

In a lengthy, hypocritical, and jargon filled declaration, Zuckerberg says Facebook will (finally) embrace end-to-end encryption protocols. According to Zuckerberg, private messaging and small group communications are growing rapidly, and Facebook needs to stay hip. In a world where government officials are suddenly embarrassed by old photos of themselves dressed in black face at college parties, Zuckerberg feels like it's time for Facebook to evolve. So saith The Zuck:

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News

Another Bill In The Wall. Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 22, 2019

Trump STILL can't get his wall money, Alex Acosta broke the law, and Dame Peggington hates commie kids. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

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News

TO INFINITY! Wonkagenda For Wed., Feb. 20, 2019

Trump's NSC caught going nuclear, a space farce, and more Russian fuckery. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

Mike Pence Embarasses Himself (Again). Wonkagenda For Mon., Feb. 18, 2019

Andy McCabe goes on 60 Minutes, Heather Nauert quit-fired, and LA's 'army of cats.' Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Nice Time

Look At All The Nice Things. Just LOOK At Them!

Go read some excellent longform journamalism and essays! Also, horror movies and race! And MORE!

If it's Sunday, this must be Nice Things, our weekly escape from the quotidian awfulness. Our featured doggo this week comes via a photo by Wonkette reader "Teecha," and we don't think Teecha mentioned a name for this lovely old rescue dog. If it is a dog at all: I think it may actually be one of Sia's more inventive disguises, like that time she was a little pony.

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Trade War

EMERGENCY! ACHTUNG! Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 15, 2019

Trump to steal $8 billion for WALL, the TVA goes green, and Adam Schiff takes on Facebook's anti-vaxxer problem. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

Love Your Children Well. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Feb. 14, 2019

Manafort FUXXORED, snakey Republicans throw tantrums over guns, and Fox tries to hide an anti-Nazi documentary. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat, and happy Valentine's Day! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

Trump Speaks For The Jews. Wonkagenda For Wed., Feb. 13, 2019

Trump loses WALL again, Tucker Carlson goes full Tucker Carlson, and Kevin McCarthy thinks healthcare death paneled the GOP. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

ANOTHER Government Shutdown!?! Wonkagenda For Mon., Feb. 11, 2019.

Trump demands WALL (again), everyone is still talking about Jeff Bezos's dick pics, and so much more. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

Pomp And Circumstance. Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 5, 2019

Law enforcement looks at the shady 'naug, Dr. Ronny Jackson is making his comeback, and DC gets ready for the SOTU. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

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News

INFRASTRUCTURE WEEK! Wonkagenda For Mon., Feb. 04, 2019

Trump's intel officials accuse him of 'willful ignorance,' someone leaked all his executive time, and Northam out? Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today, and none of them have anything to do with sportsball!

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Environment

Tucker Carlson Explains Cold Weather Breaks Wind

Part 2 in an apparently endless series.

Hot -- or perhaps very chilly -- on the heels of Jim Hoft's proclamation that solar energy doesn't work in the cold, because the sun is hiding and left us all alone, Tucker Carlson used his television program Thursday to explain that wind power is also a "scam," and that the wind actually cannot heat anyone's house in extreme cold. He didn't go into any detail on why that is, but it's only logical, isn't it? The weather report never includes a wind WARM factor, now does it? Science! Why don't you liberals LEARN IT!

A 30-second clip of the craziest part of the segment was roundly (like a windmill!) mocked all over the Twitters, but to make sure we didn't miss any of the stupid, we watched the whole four minutes and felt ourselves getting dumber by the second. Here's Tucker, taking the "wind out of the sails" of those nutball liberals pushing the "Green New Deal."

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Science

Stupidest Man On Internet: The Sun Stops Working When It's Cold

You know WHO ELSE is a mass of incandescent gas?

The Polar Vortex that's freezing the nation's boogers has already brought us the predictable "so much for global warming, hurr hurr" tweet (Or "global WAMING," which may be different) from President ScienceBrain. That was followed by the equally inevitable, infinitely patient 'splainers of how climate change is actually fucking up winter weather too.

But with the science denier in chief already covering that territory, what was Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, supposed to say about cold weather that was new and different? NEVER misunderestimate Hoft's ability to find an idiotic take on anything, kids. This morning, the editor of the Gateway Pundit had himself a good laugh at crazy liberals who think the sun shines when it's cold!

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News

Getting Hot In Herre! Wonkagenda For Tues.,  Jan. 29, 2019

Meatball is cooked, Kamala kicks ass, and everyone hates Howard Schultz. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

'Ratf*cker' Is F******cked! Wonkagenda For Fri., Jan. 25, 2019

Roger Stone gets indicited, federal workers miss ANOTHER paycheck, and Jared's security problem. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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