Because we all know Ted Cruz cannot abide that filthy pornography.

Have you ever wondered what's in Ted Cruz's browser history? Well, wonder no further, because Texas's junior senator took to his podcast to tell us all the freaky-deaky details.



Before an audience of students at Yale University — because if there's anyone who hates elites, its this guy! — Cruz complained about Disney's opposition to Florida's filthy "Don't Say Gay" bill, which subjects teachers to parents' lawsuits if they so much as acknowledge that gay people exist.


"I think there are people who are misguided trying to drive — you know, Disney stepping in, saying, you know, 'In every episode now, they're going to have, you know, Mickey and Pluto going at it.' Really?"

Is that what they said? Really, Ted?

Because we read Disney CEO Bob Chapek's lukewarm statement of protest against the Florida law, offered up begrudgingly and only when it was too late to do any good, and it made exactly zero mention of cartoon mouse-on-dog sex. Seems like that was something that came out of your fevered imagination, Senator.

But go on!

"It's just like, come on guys! These are kids, and, you know, you could always shift to Cinemax if you want that."

Is that ... is that what he thinks is on Cinemax? Just night after night of starlets kitted out in Mickey Ears pegging a dude in a dog costume? Seems like it might get boring after a week or two, but, hey, whatever you're into, fella.

But then this comedian turned serious. Because it's about the children, of course. And we can't have them seeing families with two dads, which is exactly the same thing as hard core bestiality porn.

"Like, it used to be, look, I'm a dad. Like you used to be able to put your kids with the Disney Channel, and be like, all right, something innocuous will happen."

Unlike now when it's all "Ariel ditches that prince dick and finds her voice by exploring her lesbian sexuality." It was all downhill after they converted the Mickey Mouse Club into a BDSM Sex Dungeon. You have to be so careful these days, with woke corporations grooming kids to think interspecies fornication is totally cool and normal.

Anyway, thanks Ted Cruz! As a parent ourselves, we really appreciate the heads up ... that you have some sexual issues which you seem unable to work out in a healthy way and are projecting onto children. We'll be sure to keep our precious babies far, far away from you.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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