Ted Cruz Explains Why No One Likes Him
Walking bag of petulance Ted Cruz explained on CNN Sunday that he's plenty likable, but the fools in Washington are simply too detached from Real America to recognize that simple fact. State of the Union host Dana Bash reminded the senator from Alberta that he's "not the most popular person" in the Senate -- even among Republicans:
Bash: You wear it as a badge of honor, because you say it's because you stand up for principle. But again, when you are president of the United States, you have to have at least some measure or level of likability in order to reach out and get things done. How will you overcome that?
Cruz: I'll point out that there's an almost inverse relationship between being liked and appreciated in Washington DC and reviled back home, and being reviled in Washington and appreciated back home.
He reminded Bash that after the 2013 government shutdown -- which he was totally against, and it was really all the fault of "Harry Reid and the Democrats," since they lacked the sense to repeal Obamacare -- he was welcomed back in Texas like some kind of friggin' Rockstar God of Sex and Voodoo:
You were in Texas when I came home to the state convention of the Texas Federation of Republican Women, and you saw the reaction of, in that case, the women back home who enthusiastically appreciated someone who was standing and fighting for them.
Yes, by golly, we do remember that! Cruz got an eight minute standing ovation, and the rest of the country laughed and laughed and laughed.
Bash, ever the Debbie Downer, noted that what plays well with the Crazed TeaHarpies of Lubbock (fine, it was San Antonio) may not work so well for the Oval Office: "But the White House isn’t in Texas. It’s in Washington.”
"That's part of the problem," quipped the irrepressible Senator Smirkface, instantly winning all of the 2016 Republican primaries and the general election. At least he only meant it metaphorically, unlike that nutbag Senate candidate who promised to relocate the nation's capital to Nebraska.
Ah, but if Cruz really plans to govern after he's elected, Bash pointed out, the first thing he'll have to do after clearing the skies of airborne pigs is that he'll have to "live in the White House and work within the confines of the government," and that would also mean that he'll need to Play Well With Others. Does he have a plan for becoming less despicable?
Cruz insisted that he has no likability gap: "There's a distinction between how you treat people, and what it is you say and do." This is some deep philosophy, because we always thought that how you treat people consisted of how you said and did things to them. But please, do go on:
In my time in the Senate, there have been more than a few rocks tossed my direction from Democrats and Republicans. And yet in my entire time there, I haven’t reciprocated -- you have never heard me speak ill of any senator, Republican or Democrat. And I don’t intend to start.
We are somewhat inclined to disbelieve that statement, if only because it came out of Ted Cruz's mouth hole. But at least we see the distinction he was getting at now: Sure, Cruz has constantly undercut his own party's leadership by playing to the Teahadis with grandstanding and amusing little performances like his not-really-a-filibuster performance art, but he's never said anything mean about individual colleagues while doing it. Please post your examples of Ted Cruz disproving Ted Cruz in the comments (which we do not allow).
We'll just close with a reminder that some folks from Texas don't need to insist on CNN that they're likable:
But who are we kidding? We wouldn't even like Ted Cruz if he had a boat and rode his pony on his boat.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.