Ted Cruz Is Not The Darth Vader Impersonator You Were Looking For

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Ted Cruz has analyzed the blueprints for Obamacare, and determined that a Derpon torpedo fired into the well of the Senate has the potential to create a chain reaction that will... um... raise funds for his 2016 presidential run, really, that's about it. Also, we tried to think of worse attempts to sound like James Earl Jones, but came up dry. We're having a little trouble making sense of the Jedi Mind Trick that could transform Americans for Prosperity, the Cato institute, the Club for Growth, Freedomworks, the Heritage Foundation, et al. into a ragtag force of plucky Rebels. They just want to make sure that all sentient beings have the right to go bankrupt from medical bills or to be denied coverage for a pre-existing condition.

Saaaay... aren't midichlorians a pre-existing condition?

Anyhoo, would have been nice if a Democrat had jumped in to say "I find your lack of facts disturbing."

[YouTube]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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