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Ted Cruz Will Not Destroy America To Stop Obamacare, GOP Wingnuts Miffed

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You know what’s fun to do? Lie to the American people for months about a government program, get them all hyped up and into a frothing, fanatical tizzy over the notion of defunding said government program, then looking around and realizing that you are just a Canadian-born ass-monkey Senator from Texas and actually have no power to do the thing you have been promising to do forever. At this point, your best bet is to throw your House colleagues under the bus, for freedom. PerSalon:


The precise steps conservative members can take to keep the debate chugging until they get their way depend on how the debate itself is structured at the outset. But it’s not as simple as Cruz indicated in a statement Wednesday night.

“Harry Reid will no doubt try to strip the defund language from the continuing resolution, and right now he likely has the votes to do so,” Cruz said. “At that point, House Republicans must stand firm, hold their ground, and continue to listen to the American people.”

Ted Cruz, who has been projectile-vomiting his awful filth all over America like a drunken frat boy, is saying that he can’t do much except frantically stroke conservatives, get them rigid in their opposition to Obamacare, make them pant desperately for the sweet sweet relief of defunding it, and then totally blue-ball them, saying he has got to go, but he has a nice friend who maybe can finish the job. 

Apparently riling up the base and pressuring House Republicans into trying to pass a bill that will never become law, then totally giving up on helping in the Senate has ruffled some feathers

Another senior GOP leadership aide took a shot at Cruz declining to say whether he would filibuster the bill, telling CNN, "It is disappointing to see that Wendy Davis has more balls than Ted Cruz," in reference to the state senate Democrat who filibustered an abortion bill in the Texas legislature over the summer.

First of all, no one has more or bigger balls that Wendy Davis. True fact: Her famous shoes were actually made from the ground-up testicles of men with smaller balls, that’s how awesome and big-balled she is.

Second, Cruz eventually relented, and has since vowed to fight any bill that funds Obamacare with every breath of his being. Unfortunately for America, he is long-winded. Fortunately, he is outnumbered in the Senate. So here is the likely scenario: The House will pass its silly little bill, which will be laughed at by Reid and other Senators. The Senate will pass a funding bill that funds Obamacare, despite any long-winded attempts by Cruz and his band of merry men. Then, we will once again have to rely on the completely non-existent leadership skills of John Boehner to get any funding bill through the House before October 1.

Unfortunately, John Boehner is a weak, tepid, limp, sad-sack of a man who continuously has his decisions overridden by the tea-party whackjob wing of his party, and has not successfully led in anything. He can’t pass bipartisan bills like the Farm Bill, can’t pass spending bills, and has been embarrassed or rejected by his party so often that one wonders how he drags his creamsicle-colored ass-face into the office every day without thoroughly hating himself for the pathetic, inept shell-of-a-person he has become.

The House Republicans have already canceled part of their recess for next week, so they can come back to DC and figure out the spending bill.

Maybe, possibly, the Republicans will admit to the fact that they have been lying to their base about the possibility of defunding Obamacare. Maybe, possibly, after losing a Presidential election and a Supreme Court decision, they will realize that their efforts are doing nothing by tearing the country apart and threatening to destabilize a fragile economic recovery. Maybe, possibly, they will decide that the national and global economies are more important than petty political battles that have absolutely no chance of succeeding.

Hahahaha, yeah right. We’re all fucked.

[Salon / CNN /

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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