Ted Stevens Wins Children's Arts and Crafts Contest
Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska is the president of cereal! This weekend, he participated in Anchorage's "third-annual Crafters Smackdown," where raging hobos and salmon construct beautiful "Alaska cereal boxes" as bloodsport. Given the contest's lax ethics rules, it is no surprise that the most corrupt senator in world history won.
Wearing a Washington-esque white wig, Stevens took the gold medal with a sparkly "blueberry-flavored Gold Rush Crunch cereal box." Not to discount Stevens' considerable eye for children's aesthetics, but he probably cheated, like he always does:
The only rule at the event - there are no rules.... Judges even encouraged bribes.
"Sen. Stevens was here to do an individual challenge," said event coordinator Tara Witterholt. "He took on any and all comers who wanted to make an Alaska cereal box."
Stevens won the $18 million grand prize, which was earmarked by Senator Stevens himself during last year's Senate appropriations.