Is it 2016 yet? Have we inaugurated Hillary Clinton already? CNN BREAKING NEWS: No, it is only 2014. Yet rumors persist about who is and is not running for President to replace Our Dreamy Guiding Star of Socialist Hippie Liberalism Barack HU-SANE Obama. It looks like we may have another contender, and she is a vagina-American, per The Leaf Chronicle:

A report over the weekend that Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn might launch a 2016 Republican presidential bid spurred a non-denial denial from her campaign staff.

Non-denial denial! Does it get any denialier? And ladies, she is running on the platform, quoted by Huffington Post, “It is Republicans that have led the fight for women’s equality.”

Move over Michele Bachmann, and step aside Sarah Palin: the GOP has a new woman to steal headlines and be batshit crazy. Let’s non-denialsplore. 

Why did people think that Blackburn is planning to run? Well, first there was the non-denial denial, always a political ploy to garner media attention, and the media falls for it every time. And second, it was given by an ‘unnamed staffer.’ (Journalist Pro-Tip: Staffers without names give the best gossip.)

The website, quoting an unnamed Blackburn aide, said Blackburn was considering a presidential candidacy and had gone to New Hampshire to “test the waters.”

Ah, New Hampshire. What business does a Representative from backwoods Tennessee have in New Hampshire? Sure, you can say it was a rally for the Koch brothers' Americans for Prosperity, which is exactly what Blackburn claimed. But what do Republican strategists say?

Republican strategist John Weaver, who worked in Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain's 2008 race, said of Blackburn: “New Hampshire is the place people usually go to deny that they are running.”

Blackburn, when asked, denied she was running, in her charming, folksy way:

“Not at all. No. No. I am running for re-election in Tennessee,” she told [] about mulling a presidential candidacy.

Asked if there was anything that could change her stance, she said, “Probably not. Goodness, no.”

Dammit, Blackburn, go talk to your nameless staffer and get your story straight! It's not like the media has endless ink and digital space to report on every 2016 rumor! We're not all Chris Cillizza, for god's sake!

Let’s play pretend and assume that Blackburn is running, given that she went to New Hampshire to (not) test the waters. What kind of cred does she have?

As we mentioned above, she wants to be clear that the GOP has led the charge for women’s equality. Let’s hear the whole quote:

“I find this war on women rhetoric almost silly,” Blackburn said Sunday, when asked on CBS' "Face the Nation" if Republicans were against equal pay for women. “It is Republicans that have led the fight for women’s equality. Go back through history -- and look at who was the first woman to vote, to get elected to office, to go to Congress, four out of five governors.”

And Abraham Lincoln was a Republican, too! See, historically the GOP was not batshit crazy -- they used to be for things like civil rights and Planned Parenthood and stuff. But how does Blackburn measure up against those historical figures (the ones we were too lazy to look up, because you get what you pay for)? Let’s see what even super-smart drunkenly incompetent journalists managed to dig up:

Rep. Blackburn has a long track record of dicking over fellow vagina-americans. In addition to voting against the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act of 2009, she also voted against the Paycheck Fairness Act of 2009, and against reauthorizing the Violence Against Women Act, “citing concerns that the law would protect ‘different groups’ such as Native American women and LGBT Americans from domestic violence alongside straight, white women.”

Now we can see why Blackburn wants us to go back through history -- her own voting record of the present sucks. And add to that the fact that the Senate GOP recently blocked the Paycheck Fairness Act, and current events certainly taint whatever history Blackburn is trying to smokescreen you with.

Will she run? Who knows. We hope so, because we always need more material here.

[The Leaf Chronicle / Huffington Post]

DDM encourages all men and 77% of women to follow him on Twitter (@Wonksplainer).


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