In Madison, Tennessee, there is a group of married people who like to get together with other married people for sexxx-type purposes, and all they want is to open a nice swingers club, for their swinging. But apparently there is a quote-unquote "school" next door, and according to the law, that property is a No Bone Zone. So they figured fine, we will completely change our plans and open something different there, like how about a church? SURE! A church, that is what they will open, this will totally work:

Now, developers have filed a new set of plans with Metro Codes asking permission to renovate the building as a church.

"That, to me, in many ways just seems to be irreverent," said Ricky Perry, president of Goodpasture Christian School. "And it just seems like there's nothing you wouldn't stoop to to try to accomplish what you're trying to do."

The school sits next door to the property in question. Perry said the revised plans are essentially the same as before, only what was once labeled "the dungeon" has now been converted to a "choir room." And the former "game room" is now called the "fellowship hall."

"It's obvious to me that all they're trying to do is find another way to legally, or through some loophole, accomplish what they want to do," Perry said.

Okay, first of all, you can get plenty frisky in a choir room, because those robes are totally easy access. And maybe this is what these people believe, therefore this IS TOO a religion, and they should just invoke their local Religious Freedom Restoration Act, because why not? It worked for that weed dude in Indiana who started the First Church Of Cannabis! Also, too, "fellowship hall" still sounds like a sex room, if you think about it for a minute.

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These nice swingers have actually been approved for their "church," but they will reportedly have to "prove worship is actually going on behind closed doors." That's fine. Just get some hymnals and hope the pages don't stick together too bad by the time the inspectors come to visit. And they probably should pick out a scripture reading or something, oh look, we know our Bible, let's do Song Of Solomon 5:4, which saith "My beloved extended his hand through the opening, And my feelings were aroused for him." OOH!

And then everybody can act out that verse, so they can make sure they really understand it good! Great church service, everyone! Next week, we'll do one of the Song Of Solomon verses about titties!

[WSMV via Raw Story]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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