Terminally Ill Child Seizes Presidency

Hail President Cancerboy - Wonkette12-year-old Sterling Watson of Mesquite, Texas recently declared himself President, appointing family members to his cabinet and making triumphant speeches before various government agencies. The U.S. Army appeared to be behind the bloodless coup, as they greeted the young lymphoma patient with "Hail To the Chief" and accepted his gift of ceremonial pencils.

In his stunning one day of iron-fisted rule, Watson addressed employees of the Department of Education, the Environmental Protection Agency and the Drug Enforcement Administration, was briefed by the postmaster general, named a Customs enforcement dog, negotiated peace with Iraqi insurgents, solved the looming nuclear crisis with Iran, introduced and passed a comprehensive national health care plan, closed Guantanamo Bay, and still made time for a nap.

Watson relinquished control of the presidency at the end of the day, returning it to the control of the current White House junta, who found the concept of an elaborately staged photo-op stunt standing in for genuine statesmanship far too uncomfortable to actually cooperate with the Make-a-Wish people.

Sterling, Age 12 [Wish.org]


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