Terrifying Run-Up To WWIII Provides Opportunity For Dick Joke
So, uh, in case you thought that, what with the whole thing in Iraq not going so well and the Army and Marines caught in a death spiral of losses of men and equipment, maybe we wouldn't be invading Iran ... well, it turns out that we will, in fact, be invading Iran.
Iran is threatening to retaliate in Europe for what it claims is a daring undercover operation by western intelligence services to kidnap senior officers in its Revolutionary Guard.
The first sign of a possible campaign against high-ranking Iranian officers emerged earlier this month with the discovery that Ali Reza Asgari, former commander of the Revolutionary Guard's elite Quds Force in Lebanon and deputy defence minister, had vanished, apparently during a trip to Istanbul. Asgari's disappearance shocked the Iranian regime as he is believed to possess some of its most closely guarded secrets.
Last week it was revealed that Colonel Amir Muhammed Shirazi, another high-ranking Revolutionary Guard officer, had disappeared, probably in Iraq. A third Iranian general is also understood to be missing -- the head of the Revolutionary Guard in the Persian Gulf. Sources named him as Brigadier General Muhammed Soltani, but his identity could not be confirmed.
Ha ha! Yeah, you punks, we're going to kidnap the shit out of you! By the time we're done with you, there won't be anyone left to kidnap!
Anyway, proving once again that the Axis of Evil gets all the best rhetoric, Reza Faker, a close buddy of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, had this to say in the Revolutionary Guard's weekly newspaper:
"We've got the ability to capture a nice bunch of blue-eyed blond-haired officers and feed them to our fighting cocks."
American soldiers, usually fearless in the face of death, are said to be terrified at the prospect of appearing in Hungry Persian Cocks, Tasty Blond Butts 2.
Iran to hit back at US 'kidnaps' [Times of London]