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Here's President Barack Obama explaining Tuesday that he's ready to direct federal aid to Texas, which has suffered deadly flooding since the weekend, with more rain and flash flooding on the way. At least 31 people have died in storms that have hit Oklahoma, Texas, and Mexico, and 13 people are still missing. Strangely, almost nobody in Texas is refusing the offer of federal aid, with the possible exception of keyboard warriors like "Liberty Prime," whose comment on the YouTube video above is simply "Us texans don't want you here obama!!!!"

Obama spoke Tuesday with Texas Gov. Greg Abbott about coordinating the federal response to the flooding, which despite the fondest wishes of "Liberty Prime" has not yet severed Texas from the rest of the nation. Abbott, curiously enough, has not yet issued orders for the Texas Guard to monitor federal aid workers for possible signs that they might impose martial law on the state, even though it is well known that FEMA exists largely for the purpose of taking away patriots' guns and herding conservatives into railroad cars to take them to detention camps in closed-down Walmarts.

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Not surprisingly, even though Texans just hate, hate, hate Barack Obama and FEMA, The Atlantic reports that Texas "relies on federal disaster funds more than any other state, according to one recent analysis."

What with the target-rich environment for paranoid kookery, we have to admit we're seriously disappointed in the Alex Jones crowd; InfoWars.com doesn't yet have anything at all claiming that the flooding is all just a plot to weaken Texas and make it amenable to takeover by the federal troops already invading the state as part of Operation Jade Helm 15. Oh, sure, there's a repost of some news articles from the government-controlled mainstream media about the severe weather, but not a word about how the feds actually caused the floods using HAARP or chemtrails or the Mole People. You'd think they'd be more on the ball over there. Instead, it's just boring stuff about how the CIA created ISIS to take out Syria's President Assad, and a warning that "Communist Cells" are being activated all across America to foment "civil unrest to usher in total control via U.N. troops," as if the flooding in Oklahoma and Texas were somehow a natural phenomenon. Which is just nuts, because if there's anything we've learned from Alex Jones, it's that nothing ever just happens -- it's all part of a seamless conspiracy to destroy freedom and place humanity under the thumb of the New World Order, duh.

Even though the ConspiraSphere has been disappointingly quiet about the threat to freedom posed by President Obama's offer to bring food, clean water, medical aid, and reconstruction assistance to Texas, we can at least report that wingnuts have been going apeshit on Twitter because Bill Nye said extreme weather events are a predictable result of climate change. So at least we've got that taken care of. After all, how could an unstable climate result in a range of extreme weather events that include both droughts and floods? It's crazy, and proof that global warming is fake. Probably made up by FEMA.

[IfYouOnlyNews / Dallas Morning News / CNN / Atlantic Citylab / HuffPo / RawStory]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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