Texas Judge Says You Can Be Gay Even When You're Dead
Yes, even in Texas
Good news for married homosextarians planning to die in Texas. Despite the best efforts of the state's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, indicted (and maybe going to prison forever LOL) attorney general, to pretend gay marriage did not happen to the entire US of A, including Texas, a federal judge has ordered him and the whole damn state to cut that out right now, mister, RIGHT NOW:
A federal judge has given the state an Aug. 24 deadline to recognize same-sex marriages on death and birth certificates.
In a court order issued Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Orlando Garcia said Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton — who “is in the unique position to ensure the proper implementation of the law across all state agencies” — must also assure the court that the Department of State Health Services has granted any pending applications from same-sex couples for amended death and birth certificates before that deadline.
Why is Paxton forcing Judge Garcia -- again, because Garcia has been having too much fun smacking Paxton down, repeatedly -- to lawsplain what the law says, even though Paxton should already know what the law says, because of how he is a lawyer? Well, ya see, it is because Paxton is a jerk who had himself a Texas-sized hissy-fit when the U.S. Supreme Court turned everyone gay. He's been trying to States' Rights Tenth Amendment Wahhhh! about it, which is a ginormous waste of the state's time and tax dollars because it's over, you jerk bigots, and you LOST.
Alas, when Texan John Stone-Hoskins, a gay, applied to have his name listed on his gay husband's death certificate, the state told him, "No, don't wanna, you GAY." And Paxton was like, "Yeah, you GAY!" And that is frickin' rude and also not legal. So this grieving widower, who is dying of cancer and certainly has better ways to spend the end of his life, was forced to go to court to say, "No, seriously, I was married to my husband, James, and I'd like the record to reflect that." Judge Garcia nodded and agreed and said, to put it in legalese, yes, that is super fucked. And he has now said that this is not a one-time-only ruling; it applies to ALL the birth and death certificates of ALL the gays in ALL of Texas.
Paxton's office promised the judge that "the state and its agencies will fully be in compliance," and the judge said, "You're goddamn right about that." He has ordered Paxton, and Kirk Cole, the interim director of the state's health department, to bring their sorry asses back to his courtroom in September, to make sure they have done like he told them to and decide whether to hold them in contempt of court for not doing like he said the first time. And if they have not complied, he's gonna bend them over his knee and give them a good what-for, for not following the law, and his own personal order, which he shouldn't even have to issue in the first place, because the law clearly says everyone can gay it up as much as they want, even in Texas.