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Devin Nunes, smart person, took some time out of being an unregistered foreign agent for the Russian Federation to react to news that LeBron James has signed a four year, $145 million contract to play for the Lakers.


"Glad you are coming to town, basketball man! I will not be your congressman, but if you have any top secret classified information I could leak to Fox News that will hurt America, I will take some!" Just kidding, that is not what he said. "Pleased to meet ya, LeBron! I am a congressman, but I like to think of myself more as the Pied Piper of cows! I am romancing one right now, ALLEGEDLY!" OK fine, that is not what he said either.

Nunes, who represents California's 22nd District AKA "The Taint Adjacent To The Asshole Called Fresno" AKA not where LeBron is going to live, tweeted the basketball superman about TAXES:

LOL LeBron! You sure did land a three-pointer with nothing but net into a basket full of FAIL when you decided to take $145 million to come to California! Bet you'll feel real stupid when you are rolling around in your countless millions of dollars, when you could have stayed in Ohio and had fewer millions of dollars but paid a SLIGHTLY LOWER PERCENTAGE in taxes! Truly, LeBron James is not the Steph Curry of making financial decisions Devin Nunes would recommend!

What is the stupidest part of this tweet? Is it that those high taxes obviously aren't keeping any other super rich people out of California, considering how ALL THE RICHES LIVE THERE? Is it that those taxes contribute to what is now the fifth largest economy in the world, just behind Germany and ahead of the United Kingdom? Is it that California's government, which is completely run by Democrats, is living proof that when you don't allow the GOP near the reins of power, good things happen?

Is it that Devin Nunes, in sending this tweet, actually kinda proves OUR point, as noted by Chris Hayes right here?

We actually don't know what the stupidest part of Nunes's tweet is. All we know is we bet whatever cow he's currently dating (allegedly) probably really hates it when Fucking Devin tweets in bed.

OPEN THREAD GO MOOOOOOOOOOO!

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One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

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Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

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