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Devin Nunes, smart person, took some time out of being an unregistered foreign agent for the Russian Federation to react to news that LeBron James has signed a four year, $145 million contract to play for the Lakers.


"Glad you are coming to town, basketball man! I will not be your congressman, but if you have any top secret classified information I could leak to Fox News that will hurt America, I will take some!" Just kidding, that is not what he said. "Pleased to meet ya, LeBron! I am a congressman, but I like to think of myself more as the Pied Piper of cows! I am romancing one right now, ALLEGEDLY!" OK fine, that is not what he said either.

Nunes, who represents California's 22nd District AKA "The Taint Adjacent To The Asshole Called Fresno" AKA not where LeBron is going to live, tweeted the basketball superman about TAXES:

LOL LeBron! You sure did land a three-pointer with nothing but net into a basket full of FAIL when you decided to take $145 million to come to California! Bet you'll feel real stupid when you are rolling around in your countless millions of dollars, when you could have stayed in Ohio and had fewer millions of dollars but paid a SLIGHTLY LOWER PERCENTAGE in taxes! Truly, LeBron James is not the Steph Curry of making financial decisions Devin Nunes would recommend!

What is the stupidest part of this tweet? Is it that those high taxes obviously aren't keeping any other super rich people out of California, considering how ALL THE RICHES LIVE THERE? Is it that those taxes contribute to what is now the fifth largest economy in the world, just behind Germany and ahead of the United Kingdom? Is it that California's government, which is completely run by Democrats, is living proof that when you don't allow the GOP near the reins of power, good things happen?

Is it that Devin Nunes, in sending this tweet, actually kinda proves OUR point, as noted by Chris Hayes right here?

We actually don't know what the stupidest part of Nunes's tweet is. All we know is we bet whatever cow he's currently dating (allegedly) probably really hates it when Fucking Devin tweets in bed.

OPEN THREAD GO MOOOOOOOOOOO!

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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