Devin Nunes, smart person, took some time out of being an unregistered foreign agent for the Russian Federation to react to news that LeBron James has signed a four year, $145 million contract to play for the Lakers.

"Glad you are coming to town, basketball man! I will not be your congressman, but if you have any top secret classified information I could leak to Fox News that will hurt America, I will take some!" Just kidding, that is not what he said. "Pleased to meet ya, LeBron! I am a congressman, but I like to think of myself more as the Pied Piper of cows! I am romancing one right now, ALLEGEDLY!" OK fine, that is not what he said either.

Nunes, who represents California's 22nd District AKA "The Taint Adjacent To The Asshole Called Fresno" AKA not where LeBron is going to live, tweeted the basketball superman about TAXES:

LOL LeBron! You sure did land a three-pointer with nothing but net into a basket full of FAIL when you decided to take $145 million to come to California! Bet you'll feel real stupid when you are rolling around in your countless millions of dollars, when you could have stayed in Ohio and had fewer millions of dollars but paid a SLIGHTLY LOWER PERCENTAGE in taxes! Truly, LeBron James is not the Steph Curry of making financial decisions Devin Nunes would recommend!

What is the stupidest part of this tweet? Is it that those high taxes obviously aren't keeping any other super rich people out of California, considering how ALL THE RICHES LIVE THERE? Is it that those taxes contribute to what is now the fifth largest economy in the world, just behind Germany and ahead of the United Kingdom? Is it that California's government, which is completely run by Democrats, is living proof that when you don't allow the GOP near the reins of power, good things happen?

Is it that Devin Nunes, in sending this tweet, actually kinda proves OUR point, as noted by Chris Hayes right here?

We actually don't know what the stupidest part of Nunes's tweet is. All we know is we bet whatever cow he's currently dating (allegedly) probably really hates it when Fucking Devin tweets in bed.


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

Hi. Wonkette salaries and all the other costs are 100% paid by you. Please help.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!


Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc