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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?


At first they -- and by "they," we mean the White House -- didn't even know what the fuck Grandpa Twitterpaws was talking about. John Roberts of Fox News reported that they thought Trump might be yapping out his A-hole about sanctions put on these two Chinese shipping companies yesterday, but still, they were ?????

First of all, Trump apparently doesn't know what day it is, because he said the sanctions in question were announced today, when in actuality they were announced yesterday.

But at last, everybody figured out what Trump's fever dream tweeting was about, with the New York Times confirming that "[o]n Thursday, the Treasury Department imposed new sanctions on two Chinese shipping companies that it says have been helping [North Korea] evade international sanctions." It was these sanctions that National Security Advisor John Bolton was really happy about yesterday (told you he wasn't the real national security advisor):

So that's awesome. Congratulations, North Korea! Congratulations, China! Congratulations, Vladimir Putin probably!

Point is, it's awesome that Trump is doing foreign policy declarations in his underwear on Twitter at Mar-a-Lago (again).

But ... he's lifting sanctions Treasury -- his own Treasury Department, led by his own hand-picked secretary, Steven Mnuchin -- imposed ... yesterday? FORWHYTHOUGH? Why is he declaring war on his own administration like this? Are his own people the Deep State now? Please advise, Sarah Huckabee Sanders!

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary, said the decision was a favor to Mr. Kim.

"President Trump likes Chairman Kim, and he doesn't think these sanctions will be necessary," she said.

By God, we think Sarah Huckabee Sanders told the truth, mark it on your calendars. Trump is prematurely ejaculating love offerings upon Kim Jong Un, because AND WE QUOTE THE PRESIDENT they "fell in love," and if you can't be with the one you love, at least unsanction them, so they'll know you're thinking about them.

Do we all forget already how Trump had a YOOOGE HISTORIC SUMMIT with Kim in Vietnam, which was aborted suddenly in abject failure, probably at least in part because Trump was too preoccupied with how Michael Cohen was back there in America accusing him of crimes in front of Congress, which may have rendered him completely unable to get it up to Do Summit? Afterward, he came out and rambled at the press about how a lot of people had never heard the word "denuclearization" and then he flew home on the airplane as a bigger loser he was when he left America. Remember? Yeah, we remember.

Anyway, here's a present, Kim!

We are sure this is all very legal and very cool, and it's not at all embarrassing watching the President of the United States suck up to a dictator who can't even fly places on planes, because his country's airplane is under a tarp in the garage.

And with that, have a lovely weekend, it is your OPEN THREAD. Don't unsanction anybody Trump wouldn't unsanction. Wait, that's bad advice, forget about it.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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