That Young Man Richard Cohen Has A Bright Future, In Satire

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Do you want to know the most important and controversial news story ever in world history? Courtesy of the Washington press corps: Barack Obama does a lot of teevee interviews to talk about his policies, and he might be "overexposing" himself this way. (Can anyone explain what the dickens this "overexposure" argument could possibly fucking mean? People do realize that you aren't *required* to watch television shows you don't want to watch, or television in general, right?) Right. But where there's epic tragedy there's room for High Satire, and who better to write that than the World's Worst Writer,Washington Post sociopath Richard Cohen. Remember: he is "a funny guy" and knows most things about humor. (No but seriously, [re-]read that linked 2006 column if you haven't done so in a while.)


Richard Cohen's print columns are very serious about politics, so this lighthearted jaunt was targeted for a Post blog. How naughty! The concept: everywhere Richard Cohen goes in real human life, he sees-- oh we don't want to spoil it! But we kind of do? Don't! Do. OMG THIS IS SO HARD JUST READ IT!!!

"Stick out your tongue."

I did so, and the dentist wrapped some gauze around it and said, "I need to explain myself about the public option."

Stunned, I raised myself up in the chair and looked. It was Barack Obama.

[...]

The cab stopped for a light and I opened the door and ran. I did the couple of blocks to my office in record time, and when I got there I switched on my favorite public affairs show, "The View.” I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was Barbara Obama and Whoopi Obama and Joy Obama and Sherri Obama, and their guest was Madonna Obama, and they were all discussing health care reform -- single-payer and Cadillac plans and cooperatives and how not all clinics worked so well. Joy Obama said, "Hold the Mayo," and everyone laughed. But me. I grabbed for the remote control and desperately searched for something else.

I flipped past Barack Obama standing hip high in water doing a stand-up for the Weather Channel, and then someone named Cesar Obama who was whispering to a Mexican Chihuahua about single-payer programs, and then I saw -- I swear I did -- Barack Obama in the arms of Tom DeLay on “Dancing With the Stars," and he was singing a soft song about the uninsured. They were doing the tango and DeLay looked ridiculous.

I know, right!? DIDN'T HE JUST WRITE EXACTLY WHAT YOU'VE BEEN THINKING BUT COULD NEVER REALLY PUT TOGETHER? It's like... Obama... he was on the teevee so many times this week!

Barack Obama Everywhere [WP/PostPartisan]

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