A (finally!) happy Wednesday to you, Wonkers! Dom is unavailable for the first time ever this morning, and we are up early to do a very pathetically shortened Wonkagenda for you! It's HARD! Here are some of the things we may be throwing AT YOUR FACE TODAY!

Virginia: A 'rout' or a 'thrashing'? Danica Roem, a trans journalist, defeats Bob Marshall, a bigot. A Democratic Socialist beats the GOP House whip.

CNN's Chris Cillizza was a total Cillizza again. CNN, can we have his job?

A civil rights attorney, Larry Krasner, won the Philadelphia District Attorney race. Is that even legal???

NJ obvs.

Maine expands Medicaid all over Gov. Paul LePage's ass.

The New York Times drops Democratic superlawyer David Boies for being Harvey Weinstein's spying piece of shit by proxy.

It's open season on laughing at Jeff Sessions again.

Trump lies that, with the exception of the estate tax, the Trump Tax Cut bill (for the super-rich only) will "hurt" him. Like we don't already know about the abolishment of the AMT and the shiny new 25 percent passthrough rate and the thingie about being able to swap real property. Maybe he is talking about the new tax on grad students? Or taxing moving expenses? Or teachers' school supplies? Those all hit Donald Trump very very hard!

Hugh Hewitt is warning there will be Virginia-style GOP bloodbaths all over the country if they don't pass their stupid tax cut bill (for the super-rich only). We're just a mommyblogger, but is it possible the people voting against the GOP don't LIKE their stupid tax cuts for the super-rich only? LOL jk, that's stupid.

Signed up for Obamacare yet? LOL EVERYONE ELSE HAS! Man, Trump can't kill anything right.

The Texas church shooter? Yeah, the Air Force fuuuuuucked up: He once "escaped a mental facility" after threatening to kill his superiors. They are sorry?

Trump said something stupid in South Korea, we don't know, we were watching the 'lections on Twitter. Probably somebody else heard it though.

Your late night roundup? Oh, no, we don't have TV in the #wonkebago. Here's what we've been watching instead.

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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