The 19 Books Hillary Clinton Should Write Next

Our girl Hillz is releasing a book today in spite of the fact that several men have explained to her in stern tones that this vexes them. Keep those forehead veins a-poppin, fellas! We hope Hillary keeps releasing pundit-enraging books all day every day. Never shut up with your bossy, over-prepared, frankly inspiring self, Madame Secretary!

Here is a by-no-means-complete list of the titles we hope Hillary will be releasing and releasing at least until Chris Matthews shuts his turkey gobbler:

1,001 Pictures of My Double Turbo-Fingers

Which Part of “He’s a Russian Puppet” Did You Dipsquats Not Understand?

Suck It: A Guide to the Cocktails I Drink Now That I No Longer Have to Be Polite to Doucheschooners Like Chris Cillizza

Eat It: A Recipe Book of Cookies I Never Baked and Never Fucking Will

Seriously, Go Fuck Yourselves

I Am Coming to Cram Feminism Into All of Your Video Games

A Loser Cries What? How I Learned Everything about Football in One Month So I Could Infiltrate Sean Hannity’s Fantasy League and Spank Him Like the Infant He Is

Also I Can Beat You at Pool

His Go-to Karaoke Song Is Stacey Q’s “Two of Hearts”: All the Intelligence My State Department Gathered on Putin

Any of You Jacksmacks Still Want to Talk about E-Mails?

Have I Mentioned Go Fuck Yourselves? Because Go Fuck Yourselves

Thoughts Had While Staring at Trey Gowdy’s Head for Eleven Hours

Some Excellent Benghazi Questions You Bozos Never Even Thought Of, Presented with Answers, Charts and Footnotes

How Headbands Work: Have None of You Dickwimples Ever Grown out Your Bangs?

Oh, You Wealthy White Suburbanites Would Like a Leader Savvy Enough to Deal with Kim Jong-un Now? Good Luck with That, Pinot Breath

Hillareading the Clues: A Series of Murder Mysteries Set in Washington, DC and Arkansas Just to Fuck with Your Heads

Advanced Maintenance for Your Vintage Harley: You’re Goddamned Right I Can Do That Too

Jesus Christ, Would it Have Killed You to Cover Trump’s Extensive RICO Network for 30 Seconds?

Now That You Have Struck Me Down I Am More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine

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