The 27 Messiest Divorce Stories! Tabs, Thurs., July 9, 2020

Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

The Republicans Take America on a Death March. — Adam Weinstein in The New Republic

The testing clusterfuck. Still. Four months later. — AP

And more! They ain't got reagents, they ain't got tests, they don't have jack in Arizona. (Daily Beast)


The first real symptoms were not mine, but my cat's. Miette, who kisses me on the lips each morning to see if I have become food yet, became deathly ill with a stomach virus two days after my return; my other cats soon contracted it as well. I know what you're thinking, but please let my husband have this. It pleases him so much to believe that our cats might have had coronavirus 'before those cats in Belgium'. If I one day win the Nobel, it could not confer a greater distinction.

— Patricia Lockwood would like to tell you about coronavirus, if she can remember it. (Free article, London Review of Books)

The 365,000 poor Americans who haven't received their kids' $500 stimulus checks, surprise. — Washington Post

Meanwhile: New CBO report on ever-dwindling IRS enforcement against rich people and corporations. Shocker surprise: Investigations of people who claim the Earned Income Tax Credit for being working poor with kids has remained the same. (Report)

Trump's not in denial. He's malevolent. — WaPo

The worst people: Lady A, Formerly Lady Antebellum, Sue Seattle Blues Singer Lady A. (Pitchfork)

Some tech wipe "apologized" for randomly verbally assaulting an Asian-American family seated near him on a lovely restaurant patio by saying he clearly "lost control." Because who doesn't lose control and start telling people "Trump will fuck you" and to go back to other countries when they're sitting on a pleasant restaurant patio and people near them start singing happy birthday? (Newsweek)

Facebook commissioned an audit. Do you think they liked what the auditors found? "This report outlines a number of positive and consequential steps that the company has taken, but at this point in history, the Auditors are concerned that those gains could be obscured by the vexing and heartbreaking decisions Facebook has made that represent significant setbacks for civil rights." Oh, probably, they ain't give a fuck. (Daily Beast)

Let Kevin Kruse lead you through Roosevelt's investigations into the previous administration, and why Joe Biden should do the same:

Some senators found the spectacle unseemly. "We are not engaged in political vaudeville," harrumphed Senator Phillips Lee Goldsborough, a Maryland Republican. Senator Carter Glass, a crotchety Democrat from Virginia, called it pointless grandstanding. "We are having a circus," he said sarcastically, "and the only things lacking now are peanuts and colored lemonade."

Glass's comment inspired a press agent from Ringling Brothers to show up the following week. During a break in the hearings, he escorted Miss Lya Graf—a circus performer described as "22 years old, 28 inches tall and…24 pounds"—into the chamber, up to the witnesses and right onto Morgan's lap. Tipped-off photographers happily snapped away.

Vanity Fair

More on Disney revamping Splash Mountain, which I didn't know was based on Brer Rabbit and Song of the South, with a lot of comment from the guy who wrote the book, Hey There Is Nothing Wrong With Song of the South They Weren't Slaves They Were Sharecroppers. The new one will be the swamp from Princess and the Frog and I love that movie and I am excited, shut up I am allowed. (Orlando Sentinel)

Not exciting? Disney World setting to reopen. Fucking idiots. (New York Times)

The Day the Atlanta Braves Signed Satchel Paige So He Could Get His MLB Pension. (Undefeated)

As one does: "Baker's 'cures' ran the spectrum from untested to downright cruel. One 'treatment' consisted of drilling holes in patients' skulls and injecting a cocktail of spring water, cornsilk, carbolic acid and ground-up watermelon seeds. He frequently practiced surgery in the basement." The haunted Crescent Hotel and Spa in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. (AtlasObscura)

I haven't not killed a basil plant in under two weeks since I moved to Montana. Try try again. — Homestead and Chill

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