A-hole Ex-President Might’ve Found Lawyers Dumb Enough To Defend Him

Impeachment

The previous White House squatter's Senate impeachment trial starts on February 9, and the insurrectionist-in-chief has finally assembled his latest “elite strike force." Perhaps.

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Yeah, so this moron calls himself the 45th President now because he's too emotionally damaged to accept the reality that he's a former president. The 45th president hereby claims that “highly respected trial lawyers David Schoen and Bruce L. Castor, Jr., will head his impeachment defense legal team, bringing national profiles and significant trial experience in high-profile cases to the effort."

That's the last time we'll call him “president" in this post.


Joe Biden's scuzzier predecessor had struggled to assemble a legal team, and his previous defense team all bailed on him this weekend.

Butch Bowers and Deborah Barbier, who were expected to be two of the lead attorneys, are no longer on the team. A source familiar with the changes said it was a mutual decision for both to leave the legal team. As the lead attorney, Bowers assembled the team.

Josh Howard, a North Carolina attorney who was recently added to the team, has also left, according to another source familiar with the changes. Johnny Gasser and Greg Harris, from South Carolina, are no longer involved with the case, either.

So, wha' happened? We presume compensation wasn't an issue, because anyone dumb enough to work for the guy has accepted that they'll never get paid. All but five Senate Republicans voted to dismiss the article of impeachment against him on a technicality, and Democrat Tim Kaine is already discussing a slap-on-the-wrist censure resolution with Republicans, who'll reject that as well while also stealing his lunch money.

This seems like a slam-dunk acquittal, but the lawyers reportedly abandoned ship because their client is irredeemably stupid. The previous occupant was apparently “not receptive" to a defense that argues you can't convict a president after he's left office. Instead, he wants his lawyers to claim — in public, where people can see and hear them — that there was widespread election fraud (there wasn't) and that the election was stolen (it wasn't).

Rudy Giuliani, who the Lincoln Project just threatened to sue for defamation, pushed this “defense" a few weeks ago, and Karl Rove said it was so bonkers it could persuade at least 17 Republican Senators to convict the former insurrectionist-in-chief. “She was asking for it" is a gross, evil legal argument that unfortunately still works in some courts. “Congress was asking for it" is less effective when the upper chamber of Congress is your jury.

Imagine a lawyer is representing a private citizen charged with inciting a mob that attacked a police station, which led to the deaths of police officers. In the real world, which admittedly the previous occupant only occasionally visits, the lawyer can't argue that because police brutality exists, their client somehow isn't guilty. This isn't a "Law & Order" episode with an indulgent, senile judge Jack McCoy has to work around.

The attorneys who ditched Trump are conservatives, but they probably prefer keeping their law licenses to indulging a criminal fake president's delusions. Butch Bowers, from Columbia, South Carolina, once worked in the Justice Department under George W. Bush and represented Governors Mark Sanford and Nikki Haley. Deborah Barbier was a federal prosecutor in South Carolina for 15 years. It's likely neither Bowers nor Barbier could talk sense into their client, whose diseased mind who probably believes the case is so simple he could argue it himself and save the money on lawyers.

According to the New York Times, the previous occupant and Bowers “had no chemistry," which is something this idiot thinks is important. He also likes it when his lawyers go on TV and lie about how he's absolutely, 100 percent not guilty. Bowers isn't a common Jenna Ellis.

The attorneys from 45's first annual impeachment trial aren't returning for the revival. This includes Jay Sekulow, former White House counsel Pat A. Cipollone and his wingman, Pat Philbin, and Eric Herschmann. The “elite squad" lawyers who workshopped the "Hugo Chavez's ghost did it" argument are either potential witnesses in the impeachment trial, like Giuliani, or busy with their own legal problems, like Sidney Powell and, probably, Giuliani.

CNN revealed that the departing legal team was not paid any advance fees and a letter of intent was never signed. So long, suckers! Hello, brand new suckers! Are they more receptive to their client's nonsense? Here's what highly respected trial lawyer Bruce L. Castor, Jr. had to say.

The strength of our Constitution is about to be tested like never before in our history. It is strong and resilient. A document written for the ages, and it will triumph over partisanship yet again, and always.

LOL, dude sounds like he's bluffing his way through a book report. He'll need to bring more of his “A" game, because despite voting this week to make the whole impeachment go away, Louisiana GOP Senator Bill Cassidy now sounds like he expects a real trial.

The evidence, as I understand, is going to focus on whether or not the president contributed to an atmosphere to have people charge the Capitol, break in, threatening, if you will, both members of Congress and Vice President [Mike] Pence. That's the charge. So, I would hope that whatever defense is put up refutes that charge.

Good luck with that. The MAGA mob is already rolling on their hero and stating outright that he inspired, if not directly ordered, the siege. The best defense against the incitement charge is the existence of an evil(er) twin.

[CNN / New York Times / Politico]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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