The Best Hypothetical Mark Penn Spins for Hillary's Loss
Wisconsin has a bunch of old white ladies who care about health care, and Hillary still lost it. It was her ninth or tenth loss in a row, and now, as "powerful" AP writer Ron Fournier writes in today's lede, "The Democratic nomination is now Barack Obama's to lose." How does failed Clinton strategist Mark "Microtrends and Waffles" Penn spin this one away? We asked our commenters last night to write their own Mark Penn spin on why Wisconsin doesn't count, and some of the best are after the jump.
* Wisconsin doesn't count because it's not on either coast?
* Doesn't count because it borders Canada?
* Doesn't count because it's so far down the alphabet.
* Wisconsin doesn't count because the vote took place in February. Hillary's working to an "Ides of March" plan.
* I'd say 'doesn't count' because the whole northern half is a massive forest.
* Mark Penn: "Wisconsin was a great opportunity for Hillary, but we could not forsee the overwhelming number of chubby white chicks drawn to orgasm by the Terror Leader Osama... Obama"
* Wait wait Wisconsin does not count because it starts with a W....
* Wisconsin doesn't count because Obama basically won the nomination last week.
* Wisconsin doesn't count because it's too white!
* Wisconsin doesn't count because they make cheese there and the other place they make cheese is France and France would never vote for anyone who isn't lily white - not that race is an issue in these primaries, totally not at all - and so that's why Wisconsin doesn't count.
* Obama victories during Black History Month don't count.
* Doesn't count because Barry was on the ballot there. The only State that count end with suffixes that end in "-igan" or "-orida."
* Wisconsin doesn't count because it's populated by cheese-giving surrender cattle.
* Wisconsin doesn't count because they're all going to vote Farve in the fall, anyway.
* Mark Penn: "It's disturbing that Obama would even celebrate "winning" a state that was so clearly in his pocket ever since he lived sort of near it. He poured more money into that state than our team has raised this year, so that should tell you something. Obama should be coming up with solutions rather than celebrating this "victory" - we are certainly wasting no time acknowledging it. Senator Clinton would rather focus on her health care policy, something she's been working on since way back when she completely fucked it up as first lady. By the way, I know I heard his "Houston, we have achieved liftoff" line in a movie once. Motherfucker."