The Confectionery Lobby: D.C.'s Cupcakes Have Gone Too Far
It turns out that the biggest evil in this great nation isn't the Koch Brothers after all. Their evil is no match for"heaping swirls of luscious confection atop rich, creamy pastry," also known as cupcakes. You see, while this set of extremist billionaires was busy using their money to Kochblock unions, students from voting, et cetera and so forth, cupcakes were being used by lobbyists for AT&T to influence policy: 1,500 cupcakes supplied by D.C.'s own Georgetown Cupcake were delivered by AT&T to the F.C.C.'s headquarters while the F.C.C. was debating how Internet service providers should manage their traffic- and just as AT&T was looking into merging with T-Mobile. Yes, courtesy of a local D.C. business, this once innocent sugary concoction that you may remember from your childhood is now a lobbyist's wet dream.
As the New York Times reports, AT&T certainly isn't the most innocent of corporations:
Over the last two decades, AT&T employees and its political action committees have pumped more campaign contributions into federal politics than any other American corporation, the Center for Responsive Politics reports. In the last election cycle, AT&T contributions found their way to 390 representatives and 70 senators.
And why did they choose cupcakes and not some other overpriced single-serving dessert, like whoopie pies or macaroons, that are also indicative of just how gluttonous and bored yuppies have become?
DELICIOUS cupcakes create good will, of course.
GOOD WILL! We do not need Good Will. We need to pay a fair sum of money to play Angry Birds and Words with Friends and have our calls dropped, constantly. Now that cupcakes are just a shill for corporations, and that Georgetown Cupcake, with its teevee show and bigger storefront with ridiculous lines, is influencing policy this has to mean the end of this trend, right?
We here are Wonkette headquarters are more than happy to include Georgetown Cupcake on the long list of items that we are boycotting the fuck out of, ha ha, not that we ever ate them anyway. We will just continue to enjoy our cloth napkins, Go-Gurt and whatever Bittman tells us to eat. [NYT]