The Cops Don't Need You & Man, They Expect the Same
* "1. The person who cornered me at DC9 and tried selling me heroin. Bonus points for mentioning that he just got out of jail. Double bonus points for sensing my discomfort and angrily asking me if I was a cop. 'You have to tell me if you're a cop!'" [why.i.hate.dc]
* Things you can do in Near Southeast: Use an ATM, eat. [The New Near Southeast]
* "I immersed myself in religious texts on a quest to determine the Jewish view on abortion. This turned out to be a Herculean struggle and the five minutes I spent flipping through the Torah and examining the Commandments proved to be a futile effort. At last, I turned to grandma, whose phenomenal wisdom and infinite knowledge would not lead me astray. And so I came to discover that according to Judaic doctrine, a fetus can no longer be aborted when it graduates college." [2.71828182845904523536...
* "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on, sugar, let me know." [Candy Sandwich]
* "Some might argue that he has a parking spot in back that he doesn't always use. Some would probably have a point. But I like to think that his car is a little magic talisman that attracts minor disaster, leaving my car protected from all evil." [From Harvard Street]