The Deficit Is Falling Rapidly, But Who Cares Because Look At All These Forgettable Scandals!
Your Wonkette is confused! We were under the impression that the deficit was the single greatest threat to our American Freedom, because it is a big number! We were told that incorporated Americans were su-su-su-SCARED, and they would soon stop wanting to be successful and make money, because “spending” (it is just economics, dumbo). We were told that our children would be born into bondage, because it’s the law that all the babies have to pay all the debts out of their own pockets, which how could they even do that, they have no pockets! Well, forget about all that, because the deficit will be $203 billion lower than projected three months ago thanks in part to this, and in the meantime there’s a bunch of other bullshit for you to obsess over, all of which will be long forgotten by the time Hillary seizes the crown of empire from John Roberts’s quivering hands and assumes her rightful place as dictatrix 4 lyfe.
Look, it’s just the nature of politics that the presidential scandal of the moment is always Watergate times Teapot Dome divided by Context, which is normally zero — and that is not even ALLOWED, but just leave it to the lamestream media to flout the laws of mathematics that Ben Franklin discovered when he was flying to Paris on the Mayflower.
But history treats scandal differently. Years from now, depending on how the Serious People who are Above Politics evaluate Obama’s presidency in all the shitty magazines you don’t read, the AP scandal and the IRS scandal and the Benghazi “scandal” will be either regrettable but aberrant incidents meriting perhaps two sentences apiece, or early signs that the Obama administration was falling apart (meriting perhaps two sentences apiece). Since nobody got a beejay (THAT WE KNOW OF) or lost a war (BENGHAZI?), our money is on the former interpretation.
This is not to excuse any bad things that the president or his minions may have done; indeed we are pretty sure we are NOT pleased about the spying on the AP, but we’re not hyperventilating over the possibility it destroys everything we hold dear (Obama).
In fact, Your Wonkette will go out on a limb and posit that we will not be comparing all future presidential scandals to Benghazi, or the AP thing, or the IRS thing, or any other thing Obama has done or will do. Like, remember when former Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez fired all those US attorneys that weren’t sufficiently not-Democrats for his taste? Maybe you did, but MAYBE YOU DIDN’T! That is our point — even if you do remember Gonzo's putsch, you probably do not think about it all the time, nor do you compare every could-be-a-legit-scandal to it, even though that was a genuinely bad thing that he did, probably worse than any of the current scandals we’re already bored with.
So let’s forget them and luxuriate in the fact that we won’t have to hear about how the deficit is molesting our children for the next few minutes.