End of Times For Cleveland Park

Cleveland Park is dying! All the fancy people who live there in their fancy little homes probably had acne and now don't have health care, so the area is DYING and for all we know its inhabitants may all be dead too.  All the other neighborhoods get to be renewed, but the rich folk already live in Cleveland Park, so no new businesses will be brought in, EVEN THOUGH the neighborhood has lost a supermarket, a hair salon, a 7-11, and even a Starbucks this year. (How can STARBUCKS go out of business?!) Today we pay homage to all that is left in this once thriving neighborhood.

The good that's left in Cleveland Park:

  • Dino: Known for its extensive wine selection and great Italian food, Dino is a very popular Cleveland Park destination. It also boasts an excellent free antipasti and 25% off all cocktails during happy hour, Sunday through Friday -- and free corkage Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.
  • Indique: Unique, affordable, upscale Indian cuisine. Can't go wrong there.
  • Atomic Billiards: Jukeboxes, dart boards, pool tables, and board games -- the perfect spot for a 20-something who is still 15 at heart and/or doesn't like to do things outside.
  • Uptown Theater: It's an old-school theater and way better than the sterile monstrosity that is the Regal Cinema in Chinatown.
  • Firehook Bakery and Coffee House: Not only does this Firehook have mouthwatering pastries and freshly baked bread, but it also has a delightful outdoor area where you can enjoy said goodies.
  • Brookville Market: One stop shop for all your Kosher shopping needs.
  • Vace Italian Delicatessen: This Italian deli is a neighborhood favorite, but people flock here from all areas in DC for their incredible pizza. If you haven't indulged yet, do so immediately, because who knows what will be the next institution to DIE in Cleveland Park.

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