The End Times Are Near, As Reported By Climatologists And Cleaver-Wielding Playground Assaulters

  • About 800,000 doses of pediatric swine flu vaccine were recalled by the manufacturer but don't worry, your childrens will not die, say CDC experts who are pretty obviously plotting to "thin the herd." [ABC News]
  • Rampant sexting and assorted Internet wankery is causing a new epidemic of nearsightedness, but some of us were severely myopic before it was cool, okay? [Bloomberg]
  • Note to troubled school children: do not draw a picture of yourself on the cross, unless you are Jesus, because otherwise your teachers will be very confused by this persecution metaphor. [Boston Globe]
  • Britain committed a very regrettable diplomatic faux pas when it issued an arrest warrant against Israeli opposition leader Tzipi Livni for war crimes. [Haaretz]
  • Thanks to the US and its refusal to steeply reduce carbon emissions, the world will be a swamp of acid and charcoal by 2020. [Times Online]
  • Happy Holidays! A woman allegedly wielding a meat cleaver on an elementary school playground in Modesto was shot and killed by police. [AP]

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