The Great American Pastime
Softball Season means the putting aside of political difference to come together in a celebration of drinking and pretending you're still in college. It doesn't necessarily mean the putting aside of other predjudices, as this email from an LA to Senator Larry Craig shows.
Since the team moniker was "The Tribe," I just assumed that [AIPAC] meant "American Indian Political Action Committee." But when The Tribe took the field, there were no war cries, no war paint, and they were wearing baseball jerseys instead of bird bone body armor and buffalo-skinned loincloths. Instead, there were semi-nerdy folks of all shapes, sizes, with little battle preparation. I soon learned that "AIPAC" really stood for "American-Israeli Public Affairs Committee."
Haha, good one! Hope you got out of there with your scalps still attached! Hey guys, who brought the twelve-pack of firewater?
Oh, wait, they were Jews? There wasn't any money on the game, right? 'Cause good luck collecting from them!
Full email, after the jump.
From: Jones, Travis (Craig) [mailto:[Redacted]]
Sent: Thursday, June 08, 2006 3:55 PM
To: Recipients Not Disclosed
Subject: Lucky Spuds victorious over AIPAC Tribe....
"Spuds Softball Spec--tater" (June 5, 2006 v. AIPAC's "The Tribe)
Okay folks, with Sid Smith's retirement as head coach and member of the Lucky Spuds softball squad, I have somehow taken over the very weathered reins of the weekly "Spuds Softball Spec--tater." You will now get to enter my world of descriptive re-cap of the Lucky Spuds 2006 softball season. 'Nuff said.
After a two-week vacation from competitive play and practice, the Lucky Spuds returned to the diamond Monday night, June 5, versus AIPAC's "The Tribe." Just to reiterate the value and importance of choosing a clear team name, I was surprised to find out that I had a very wrong assumption of what the acronym "AIPAC" stood for.
Since the team moniker was "The Tribe," I just assumed that meant "American Indian Political Action Committee." But when The Tribe took the field, there were no war cries, no war paint, and they were wearing baseball jerseys instead of bird bone body armor and buffalo-skinned loincloths. Instead, there were semi-nerdy folks of all shapes, sizes, with little battle preparation. I soon learned that "AIPAC" really stood for "American-Israeli Public Affairs Committee."
With that mystery solved, the game began with a bang as the Spuds' bats rang loud and clear. Eight Spuds runs made it homeplate in the first inning alone as our starting line-up featured some seasoned (but not blighted) Spud veterans. The Spuds played solid defense with the great play of new Spud teammate Marcus at shortstop and the repositioning of others.
Much like their Israeli bretheren living in the Middle East, AIPAC must have felt a little outnumbered and overwhelmed since their first score was not acheived until the 3rd inning. To their credit, they had a short-stop that was single-handedly responsible for getting 80% of the outs on defense. This kid may have looked like his favorite childhood toy was an Erector Set, but he had some skills. To their detriment, they did not have an A--#1 scorekeepers like one, Ms. Chelsey Penrod. Somehow they continued to be shocked at the fact that we were kicking their butts.
Even facing a truly horrible AIPAC pitcher, the Spuds managed to get good hits, enjoy some aggressive base-running, and fairly good defense on their way to a 18-5 route and mercy-rule called game after the top of the 6th inning. At 2-0, the Spuds look forward to our June 12 rumble with the Department of Homeland Security. They may just have to up the terror alert to "RED" when the Spuds take the field.