The Guy Who Makes These Comics Just Really Gets Women
Women! We're pretty much the worst, amirite? Always going around ruining the lives of selfless, perfect men for no good reason, and then giving all the sexytimes that those nice men rightfully earned to guys who are jerks instead. How is that even fair? It is not! Especially when we then proceed to ruin their entire lives for reasons unbeknownst to even us, we guess.
Well, unfortunately for us and our evil ways, there are a lot of fellas out there who are starting to catch on. They have taken THE RED PILL. Which is a reference to "The Matrix," which is a movie written by two women. When these fellas take THE RED PILL they are suddenly able to see that women are super evil and only out to sap them dry of both money and emotional support. Thankfully for women like me, however, they are primarily confined to isolated sections of the internet, so we don't so much have to worry about the "truth" getting out. Still, it is worth checking up on them every now and again!
Enter Relampago Furioso! He makes comics exposing women and our evil ways. And boy, is he ever right on the money! For instance, take this one, titled "Take This Job And Shove It."
Here we see the Nice Guy™ manager of some kind of fast food joint innocently asking one of his employees out on a date to go see a movie! There is nothing wrong with what he is doing, and it's hardly as though his employee, in any universe, might find it inappropriate for him to put her in a situation where she might feel like her job was dependent on dating him. So, naturally, that bitch just calls up human resources and RUINS HIS LIFE.
Next we see that hussy agreeing to a MENAGE À TROIS with a guy named Dirk! Because she is a slut, but not an equal opportunity slut. For some reason, she only chooses to give the sex to men she is interested in having sex with. And sometimes she even has kinky sex with them, because that is a thing she is into. But you know who doesn't get a menage à trois? The nice manager guy who is now getting fired and losing his job for doing nothing wrong!
Well, except for making her "uncomfortable!" Which, again, so weird how a woman might feel uncomfortable being asked out on a date by her boss. Why would that even be? And shouldn't that not even count, anyway, since he works really hard?
"You have to understand, women are a protected class in the New America. Some people are more equal than others," the District Manager lady tells him, in a very realistic scene. Yes, this kind of behavior is inappropriate because his employee is more equal than he is, not because he's her manager and has power over her job.
We then see the evil hussy and her friend planning to meet Dirk later, for sexy sex times, and then laughing at destroying the Nice Manager Guy for no reason whatsoever, except that they are evil vagina-havers.
HAHA, that guy is stupid, let's go have sex with a man we are sexually attracted to instead! Because we are EVIL SLUTS who refuse to give guys like that Nice Manager Guy the sexytimes he is owed.
MEANWHILE, Nice Manager Guy uses his suspension time to fly to Cambodia....
And IMMEDIATELY starts glittering! Why? Not sure, but he does! Then he immediately meets a Nice Woman who sees that he is actually a CATCH!
And then he sees her again, and they go on a date, and he is overwhelmed by how NICE she is and how much she appreciates him and wants to make him a sandwich. Unlike those whores in America!
In the meantime, those evil bitches are having a conversation all women regularly have with their friends, about how they want to bench press 200 lbs and get a man fired. It is clear from the dialogue here that this dude has spent a lot of time with women, and knows all about how they talk when the menfolk aren't around.
But Nice Manager Dude? He realizes that he is so much better off in Cambodia, where the womenfolk know how to appreciate a catch like him! Then, in a scene we probably don't get to see, all the women of America sob and sob and sob that they no longer have the opportunity to have sexytimes with dudes like this because they are all overseas finding women who really appreciate them.
There are lots and lots of other insightful comics like this on this dude's page, and quite honestly, I am learning A LOT about how I am evil. I guess we'd all better get our acts together, as women, and give these fellas the sexytimes they are owed, if we don't want to lose out on dreamboats like this Nice Manager Guys to women overseas.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse