The Heartwarming Tale Of The GOP Senator Who'll Leave Daughter's Wedding So He Can Fuck Over All Women


Yr Wonkette is having a pet peeve, everyone, and you wouldn't like us when we are having a pet peeve. We yell and say cusses and we are extremely petty and we call the mainstream media a hunka hunka burning dogshit and ... oh wait, those are all the reasons you love us. Carry on, we shall!

Have you heard of Steve Daines? Don't worry, nobody else has either. He is one of the GOP senators who isn't on TV all the time, but is a dick just the same. He is from Montana! And #TheNews has been driving us up a goddamned wall for about 48 hours now, telling the story of his "scheduling conflict" with Saturday's planned vote on Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation, as if it's some "human interest" thing to tack on the end of Chuck Todd's show, to put a human face on the senators voting to ignore sexual abuse victims and say women's voices don't matter, and moreover that women's sovereignty over their own bodies doesn't exist.

Listen to what a pickle Senator Daines is in! His daughter, she is Annie Daines, and she's gettin' hitched! The wedding has been planned for months and decades and millions of years, and doggone it, it's Saturday! The dress has arrived, everybody's already flown in and checked into the Hilton Garden Inn off the highway, and old Uncle Handsy is already getting liquored up, so he can be Uncle Handsy at the wedding! Gross, Uncle Handsy! What are you, Brett Kavanaugh or something?

But AW NUTS, OH MALARKEY, AND GREAT LAMENTATIONS, it looks like the final vote for Judge Rapey McFuckGross is going to be Saturday! What's a senator who feels the need to shit all over all women to do, in the face of such a SCHEDULING CONFLICT? Well there's one thing he's not doing, and that's missing Annie's wedding. He has to walk her down the aisle, because that is how weddings work!

So Steve Daines marched right up to Mitch McConnell and got in his face and said "LISTEN, MY TURTLE CHRIST WHO IS THE BOSS OF ME. I gotta walk Annie down the aisle and shit, but don't worry, I'll tell her wedding reception to fuck off and she can have her special father-daughter dance IN HELL, because I'm totally willing to fly back to DC after the ceremony and miss the reception so I can fuck over all American women."

No seriously, that is the deal. Will it actually work out that way? Dunno. As NBC News points out, the wedding is in "early afternoon" and the reception is afterward and oh by the way, the wedding is 1,800 miles from DC, in Montana. Good thing Rep. Greg Gianforte, Montana's assault-y rage thug congressman, has offered up his private plane for Daines to use!

And this is the "cute" story that the news is telling every 40 minutes or so, because it is "cute."

Fuck that.

Have a nice wedding, Annie Daines. Sorry your dad might have to skip the father-daughter dance part of the wedding so he can fly back to DC and vote a likely sexual predator onto the Supreme Court, so that guy can repeal Roe v. Wade, which will literally end up killing American women, especially women without the resources to cross state lines for reproductive healthcare if they live in red states like Montana.

Hey, look on the bright side. Dickhead liberal websites like Wonkette will always remember your wedding anniversary!

[NBC News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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