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'The jetpack must have a 5,000-mile range. The titanium armor must be black with red accents ...'

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Here's your new president, Barack Obama, just cold dialin' the Joint Chiefs from the Oval Office and orderin' up his new composite-kevlar superhero outfit and a dozen sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Also, new White House photographer Pete Souza is good! ALSO: Dear new White House, you dudes need to promptly get these pix up on the WhiteHouse.gov website, instead of special-delivering them to the frickin' New York Times. America (Wonkette) owns these White House photos.

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