The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Evolution Is For Communists And Other Classics

With so much controversy around science these days, who's to say what's right and what's wrong? Whittaker Chambers is who's to say what's right and what's wrong, that's who. Yes, it's November 2014, and Sarah Palin is taking time to explain that Whittaker Chambers was a really cool guy who also understood so little about science that he eventually realized he understand everything about science.

How did all this come up? Because one of Palin's subscribers asked if she'd read Chambers' 1952 best-seller Witness as an example of how all that has happened before will happen again, only this time it's Barack Obama who's the godless communist infiltrator, and this time, he's also a Muslim! DUH, Palin has read the book, it was one of Reagan's faves, and of course her favorite part involves Jeebus.

It's the part where [Chambers] describes the critical moment when he began his break with communism, when he saw the light. It was the moment when he first realized that God exists. Ah this is, this is awesome and inspiring to me, how it happened. It happened while he was doing something every parent here has done -- he was watching his baby daughter sitting in her high chair eating her breakfast. And as he looked at her intricate and perfect little ears, he suddenly realized that those ears could not have been created by any chance coming together of atoms in nature, which was what the communists believed. No, he knew they had to have been created by an immense design, and that design presupposes God!

The development of human ears is actually one of those areas where there are lots of "transitional forms" on record -- y'know, those tweener species that Ghost Whittaker Chambers and former baseball man Curt Schilling say cannot and do not exist. Here's the video, for hate-watching purposes.

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Here at The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, we spend a lot of time making fun of Governess Quitterpants, but we try to give credit where it is due. With that said, watch as Palin deftly identifies that she's fielding a question from an idiot (Haw haw, how could she tell? Shut up, we're not done talking). The question -- presumably from a grown adult -- asked if Palin likes fast cars, cool cars, or cars that go vroom-vroom?

Okay, and then, another subscriber is writing, 'You and Todd are into motorsports and went to the classic car auction. Do you and Todd own any cool cars?'

Palin's eyes go wide as she puts on her grandmotherly goo-goo ga-ga face. "Yes we did go to that classic car auction, uh, in Arizona," she says, buying time as she tries to figure out whether she's talking to a well-meaning simpleton or a deranged stalker. Palin decides that this one's probably harmless, as most Tea Partiers are, and she proceeds to talk all about her cool cars and trucks and big Ford Broncos that go vroom vroom vroom!

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Tip your cap, folks -- she certainly knows her audience.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, presented by Fartknocker, was brought to you by Fartknocker.

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